Changing Stylists: A Tragedy in Three Follicles

tumblr_lt0ke11AEw1qefkuro1_400Our first time was like a dream, all rainbows and anthropomorphized raccoons in resort wear. I was in need of guidance, of someone to take things in hand and assure me it was all going to be okay, when she appeared. Chatty, covered in tattoos, and with hair the color of Tabasco, she was my soul mate. We bonded quickly, both lovers of Dr. Who and internet meme Halloween costumes, but it was more than a surface connection. Jordan really understood me, in a way no one else had. We were together for five years—the loveliest, most carefree years of my life—until it ended.

Kittens, my hair stylist left me.

To be fair, she left hair styling in general, not just my specific mane. Last month, Jordan was in a Vespa accident, which she walked away from mostly unscathed—thank God—other than a wrist injury. She took the requisite time off of work, rescheduled clients and thought about life. It turns out, in fact, that she thought herself right out of one career and into another. My dear stylist is now pursuing homeopathic medicine, something she’s always been passionate about, and is out of the hair business.

On one hand, the nice rational left one, I’m thrilled for my friend. She’s finally using her degree, which I saw her work her ass off for, and pursuing her life’s great passion. On the other hand, that selfish bitchy right one, who is going to do my hair now!?

Let’s be honest, a woman’s hair stylist is more than just a service provider. If you go to the same stylist for years upon years, it becomes a friendship, one that is based on shared confidences and the extreme trust required to encourage a cackling woman wielding scissors to chop away. Y’all, I once let Jordan dye my hair red. I, the girl who has only ever been blonde and idolizes Grace Kelly to an unhealthy extent, said to her friend “Let’s have some fun! Want to do red today?” That’s utmost faith, darling. That’s also, it must be said, a bad idea when the majority of your wardrobe features pink and red.

I fucking love Jordan. The prospect of finding someone else to build that kind of relationship with is daunting. It feels like I’ve started dating again, after a decades long marriage that didn’t end in divorce, but a tragic bread machine accident. I am without stylist, adrift in a sea of bad highlights and dull conversation. I am, also, getting married in three months, so time is a’wasting.

While Jordan was out, I had my hair done by a colleague of hers who actually did an amazing job, but with whom there was no spark. She commented with a skeptical tone on my thick hair—which, yeah okay, there’s a crap ton of fine blonde locks happening over here, but it’s not like I grew it specifically to mess up her schedule—and let the conversation fizzle out awkwardly. It was all totally fine, but it was four hours of discomfort and tedium, instead of laughter and camaraderie.

I don’t just want my hair done, kittens, I want witty repartee and discussions of world travel. I want a Whovian who knows her way around foil and has the best kooky mother-in-law stories. I WANT SOMEONE TO CLONE JORDAN, SO THAT MY HAIR CAN BE PRETTY FOREVER AND I DON’T HAVE TO CHAT WITH A STRANGER ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD PET WOMBAT. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Sigh. I might be taking this too hard.

– Grace

16 thoughts on “Changing Stylists: A Tragedy in Three Follicles

  1. Hang in there Grace. I’ve been there, and someday when you least expect it, you’ll find the hairdresser of your dreams and realize life without Jordan will go on. It won’t be the same, but it can be just as good in a different way. You just have to keep looking.

  2. Wow. I want a stylist like the one you described. I’ve never had one. I’m super intimidated by hair stylists. I feel like they can TELL I’m using Herbal Essence on my head instead of the REAL stuff they tell me to use, that they can tell I’m not using any of the specialty products they recommended, and just overall that it is very clear that I have no idea what to do with hair. I just do the walk-in everytime. It’s an uncomfortable 20 minutes, but I’ve learned about a LOT of wombats.

  3. Evening,
    I am definitely able to understand the despair you must be feeling just now. My stylist hasn’t changed in more than six years, despite moving and spending time abroad, simply because she’s the only one able to work with my hair.
    Thus, I have two solutions to offer: 1. Give up going to the stylist altogether, and simply let it grow out until you find a new one / your old one comes back – worked for me during my term abroad, but then again, that wasn’t exactly a time on which I cared a lot about my hair, and once I was back here, I immediately went to mine and asked her to return my head to it’s usual order. 2. This is a very nerdy answer. You have been warned! Ask George Lucas if he’s got a Spaarti Cloning tank in store somewhere. Should take just about a year, and a bit of training afterwards is highly recommended, but the only alternative is asking the Kaminoans. They definitely know what they’re doing, but it’ll take them close to ten years, rather than one and a half. 😉
    All the best,

    Mylady Phoenix

  4. The same thing happened to me! My lovely hair dresser decided to move closer to his family, but basically, abandoned me! I am now going to another stylist in the same salon, and she’s nice, and it’s good, but it’s not….amazing. It’s missing that spark. Maybe in time I’ll find that spark again, as I hope you will, too.

  5. I KNOW what you are talking about. My hair stylist and I have a bond that is like no other. I seriously travel 1.5 hrs to get my hair done by her.

    As you know it takes time to develop that relationship. Maybe try giving Jordan’s colleague another chance?

  6. I have never had a stylist like this! I think I’m beginning to develop a stylist relationship like it? It’s scary! And hard to tell. She at least knows (and has) curly hair, and cuts mine dry. So that’s a real plus. The conversation still feels a tad awkward and forced.

  7. a good trick is to boldly walk up to someone with GREAT hair and ask her who does it. that’s how I found my gal here in Mexico where good hair (and nail) people are hard to find.

  8. I know exactly how you feel. I had a hairdresser that I loved and trusted in England (I lived there for a year for a postgraduate degree) and ever since then I haven’t found a person that does my hair the way I want or in a way I trust. And then when I go back there for my wedding reception, she won’t be there cause she’s on maternity leave. Though I know the girls that work there will be good, I won’t have that banter I have with her.

  9. I think we can all relate! My hairstylist happens to be my best friend, which is awesome! She knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and – since I trust this woman with my deepest, darkest secrets – it’s easy for me to trust her completely with my hair. Unfortunately for me, she’s recently given birth, and my hair is in shambles. Oh sure, she’s got people taking over her clients while she is on maternity leave, but I can’t trust them! And my hair is looking pretty wretched these days! I guess I’ll have to suffer through the roots and split ends until she comes back to work…. *sigh* My situation is only temporary, though and I guess in a way yours is, too. You’ll find that perfect someone… They’re out there hoping for the day they find a true Texas woman with the right amount of sass, witty banter, a love for Dr. Who, and a head of beautifully thick blonde locks!

  10. Oh Grace, I feel your pain! Perhaps Jordan could be convinced to do home visits in her spare time? At least until your wedding? 😦

  11. It’s better to have Jordaned and lost than never to have Jordaned at all. My stylist doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise. I could devote an entire blog to her personal stories. BTW, I liked the visual of Tabasco, but now I want to eat eggs.

  12. Coming from a hairdresser, this really made me lol! I’m glad your relationship ended on good terms though. I’m trying to tactfully end a long-term relationship with a client at the moment but it’s not going well :/ She’s been coming to me so long that she sees me as a friend and as such, thinks she is more important than everyone else, deserves a massive discount and free hair extensions!! I’ve had enough of being taken advantage of.

    I hope you find a replacement for Jordan soon, but if not, I’m sure I could squeeze you in if you don’t mind the flight to the UK and drive to my house? Xx

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