There Is No Asking For It

no-means-No“She was asking for it.”

I thought we were over this idiocy, America. I thought we’d moved on from the old thinking that if a girl acts “slutty” or “wild,” then whatever happens to her from thereon out—whatever horror may befall her or evil may prey upon her—is her own fault. If the coverage of the Steubenville rape trial is anything to go by, however, I was wrong. This is still a conversation we need to have. FINE.

Let’s do this.

You know who doesn’t deserve to be raped? A drunk girl. Just because a woman decides to let loose and drink alcohol, doesn’t mean she should expect sexual assault. The Steubenville case isn’t a cautionary tale of partying, it’s a cautionary tale against assaulting an unconscious or delirious woman. Women shouldn’t have to be warned against going to bars alone or leaving their drinks unattended. Sorority girls shouldn’t need buddy systems at fraternity parties. Women should be able to indulge in the same behavior as their male peers, without fear that one of those peers will take advantage of them, if they’ve had “too many.” Alcohol impairment is not an excuse for sexual assault, period.

You know who doesn’t deserve to be raped? A girl wearing skimpy clothes. A woman’s clothes never, not ever, intimate that she’s asking for it. A short dress does not mean you get to pinch her ass. A bikini doesn’t give permission to grope her breasts. Riding down the street bare ass naked on a bicycle doesn’t mean jack. If it’s “confusing” for you to see women scantily dressed, then that’s your problem to sort out. If I could make a suggestion, how about not judging a woman’s sexual opinions on her skirt length?  No means no, even if her shorts are short.

You know who doesn’t deserve to be raped? A girl who is flirting with you. She’s a tease, is that it? You thought she was super interested in you, but then she cooled off and wouldn’t give you the time of day. That totally sucks. I get it. You thought you’d found a potential partner, only to be shut down without so much as an explanation. Get the fuck over it. Rejection happens and people are mean. A woman could be a super evil person, who gets her jollies by toying with male hearts, and she still wouldn’t deserve sexual assault. Honestly, though? That’s not what happened. She’s probably just not interested, not purposefully torturing you. Maybe instead of assaulting her, to show her who’s boss and what such behavior brings, you could just move on like a normal person.

You know who doesn’t deserve to be raped? A girl who is fooling around with you. The date went really well, things are getting super hot and heavy, and she’s naked on your bed. All of the sudden, she puts on the brakes. Well, shit! She really did want it, right? Surely, if she’s already giving you a hand job, it’s not a big deal for you to fuck her. People can’t expect a man to just not finish, right? Everyone knows blue balls are a total thing! Oh wait: No, they’re not. I don’t care if you’re so close to completion that you just need a minute of sex, once someone says no or stop, it’s over. You’re not an animal, you’re a person. People sometimes have to be satisfied with not reaching orgasm. Deal with it.

There is nothing, not a single reason under the sun, that gives you leave to sexually abuse someone against their knowledge or will. Not clothes, not attitude, not sexual experience. Not being a prostitute. Not being your wife. Not being your husband.

You know who deserves to be raped? No one. Ever.

– Grace