Where Are The Trolls Of Yesteryear?

TrollsY’all, remember when trolls were vaguely cute dolls that you won in a vending machine or at Chuck E. Cheese and they had bright colored hair that was fun to style and it was like the only doll your brother would play with because it wasn’t really a doll but a troll? Those trolls were awesome. I particularly loved the one I had with a jewel in it’s belly button- I called it my fancy troll and when Reba McEntire’s song “Fancy” would come on the radio, I would always think she must have a fancy troll too but then I got older and realized that song was about an empowered prostitute. The good old days y’all. The good old days.


Or, reaching even further back, remember when trolls were just monsters that lived under bridges and wanted to eat people? I miss those days.
Because, nowadays, trolls are people on the internet who live their entire lives to say the most hateful, offensive, annoying, hurtful, and batshit crazy vitriol online. Because they can. And most important to their cause, they can do it anonymously so they never really have to be held responsible for their words. And you can’t engage with them, not even to defend yourself or your beliefs because THEY DO NOT ABIDE BY THE LAWS OF LOGIC AND COMMON HUMAN DECENCY. I mean, at least trolls under bridges who were going to try and eat you gave you a little bit of a heads-up, you at least had a fighting chance with one of those kinds of trolls. But you can’t fight internet trolls. Not in any productive or satisfying way.

 Personally, I abide by the motto “Don’t feed the trolls” because it totally works with the kind of trolls who actually want to eat you and also the internet trolls. Instead of engaging, I just delete the comments. Done. Except, it isn’t because I *did* see that comment and it *did* make me incredibly angry and it *did* affect me, so even though the troll doesn’t know it got to me, it did.  So, I guess my question is: Where are the trolls of yesteryear?