I Live In Nebraska Now

Sorry for being gone for so long y’all, I was busy moving to fucking Nebraska. NEBRASKA. To be fair, Nebraska has actually been pretty good to me thus far but WINTER. IS. COMING. And, if the mannequins at the sporting goods store are to be believed, then winter here is like what will happen when the sun dies and the world is cast into bitter, cold, darkness. So, yeah, I’m panicking and frequently asking my hubs (who grew up in Ohio and is much more prepared for this sort of thing) if he thinks that I have enough thermal underwear and maybe should we buy more hand warmers and also can we move back to Texas for the winter? (One yes and two nos for the record).

We moved to Nebraska because my hubs is a Professor and got a badass job at the University of Nebraska. Did y’all know that both Grace and I are married to Professors? Isn’t that adorable? Best friends married to men in academia?! And also our Professor husbands are best friends!! We are best friends who married best friends!!!! WE ARE ADORABLE. (If you know any sexy single Professors please let me know, I am constantly on the lookout for a suitable Professor for Kate so we can complete the trifecta/braintrust).

Anyway, so far I don’t hate Nebraska. Really. They have two great farmers markets in Lincoln, a Whole Foods, a Trader Joes, an AMAZING burger place, a great place for brunch, cheap booze, a beautiful capital building, lots of great walking and biking trails, and just epic tailgating.

On the other hand, their DMW can suck it. When we went to get our licenses my hubs was in and out in about 10 minutes. They didn’t ask him any questions and he only had to show his passport and two pieces of mail. Getting my license took 45 minutes and a pretty intense interrogation. I brought my passport, my Texas license, my social security card, and our marriage license. My hubs laughed at all of the identification I brought and thought that the marriage license was overkill. WRONG. They fucking grilled me on my name change, which has been in place for over a year, and ALL OF MY IDENTIFICATION HAS THE CORRECT NAME ON IT. But they were like “Your middle name [which is my maiden name] isn’t legal because you don’t have a court order.” NOPE. THAT IS INCORRECT. My name was legally changed and this is my recognized name by EVERYONE including the US government. It is the name on my passport, my Texas ID, and my social security card. Y’all, they were literally not going to give me a license. For real. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I was trying to explain the way legal name changes work to the manager of the DMV – that in fact, no, you don’t have to get your birth certificate changed to take your partners last name, and no, you don’t need a court order either. The fuck? I kept referencing my Texas ID, my social security card, and my passport. He repeatedly told me that they didn’t accept any of these as valid identification. THE FUCK? If a US passport isn’t a form of valid identification I don’t know what is. It has my name and my picture on it and has been verified by the federal government. Of course, it was perfectly acceptable identification for my husband, just not for me because vaginas are tricksy y’all. Right before my head exploded and I stormed out of there – he noticed my marriage license AND THEN GAVE ME A LICENSE. Apparently a piece of paper with no picture on it that verifies I am married is good enough even though my passport and Texas ID weren’t. BOOM MY BRAINS ARE SPLATTERED EVERYWHERE. He told me that since I could prove I was married that was good enough for him. Except they still refused to put my maiden name (aka my LEGAL MIDDLE NAME) on my license because that is not cool – you should only have your husbands name. Whatever, I numbly accepted the license (because you have to get a new license when you move to a new state otherwise I would proudly carry my Texas license that was absolutely no trouble to get FOREVER) and got the hell out of there before they decided I was, in fact, a terrorist. Oh yeah, because several times in the conversation the DMV manager told me that they couldn’t give me a license even with all my identification because terrorism. TERRORISM.

After I left, I spent the next several hours on the phone with my Mother and Grace freaking the hell out about all I had just been through. Then, because I can be a real asshole about principle, I decided to do some research to see if other state DMVs would have given me such trouble. The answer is no. A valid passport and state license would have been more than enough for literally every other state. No marriage license needed. And then my brain exploded again. The end.

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20 thoughts on “I Live In Nebraska Now

  1. Hello, Mae! Well FUCK. DAMNED, SHIT AND FUCK! I must say, that even FIVE YEARS after my matrimonial vows, I am still trotting out my wretched, dog eared marriage licence to prove who I am is still who I was, just spelled differently now (with totally different letters). I mean, how DARE I want to do something so old fashioned like take my husband’s name. I mean how dare YOU Want to do something so off the wall as have your maiden name as your middle name and then take your husband’s surname? Goodness me! The twat at the DMV just sounds like a belligerent old twat with nothing better to do with his time than harass vaginas. I mean married women. I’m glad you finally got your damned licence. I think we have it hard here in Australia with our six states and two territories, let alone the U S of A with your fifty-odd states!!!!!!!!!

    • Thank you for feeling similarly outraged – it helps and makes me feel a little less like I’m taking crazy pills. Yeah, living in a country with a lot of states that all have similar but slightly different laws can be VERY frustrating.

  2. Ah, this brings back memories. Despite having a license from the UK where getting one takes months of practice and there’s only a 40% pass rate on the hour long test, I had to go back to being a teenager in MA, proving I could drive forward into a parking space the length of a bus. And do hand signals (what?!). And even then my passport wasn’t acceptable proof of residence but my “temporary right to residence” card was, despite the fact I got that using…. Guess what… My passport as proof of ID.

  3. Wow that’s ridiculous. Last time I was the DMV (I live in Missouri) I was renewing the plates for my car. Online it said you only need 1 year of the paid property tax if you were only renewing for one year and 2 years if you’re renewing for two years. So I only brought one because I don’t see myself having this car for 2 years and the lady at the DMV told me I needed 2 and I said well that’s not what your website says. She didn’t argue with me after that and renewed my plates so I obviously did not need 2. What I went through is a breeze compared to what happened to you though. Is there anyone you can complain to about their service and their lack of knowledge for the job? And maybe getting a correct license if you wish to? lol I’m sure you’ve probably had enough though.

    • Seriously – I’m starting to think some people who work at the DMV just like giving people a hard time for no reason. I’m just going to keep this license for now so as not to have to go back to that place for a long long time (if ever again).

  4. That is why I don’t live in the middle of the country. Yes, sexism still exists on the East Coast, but to a lesser degree. In fact, New York is the only state where men are asked if they would like to change their last name when they fill out the marriage license. I bet there is no way that agent from the DMV would have allowed a man from NY to get a license in Nebraska if said man had changed to his wife’s last name. That would have blown his mind.

  5. Nebraska- sums up your problems right there. Although, I believe, Wyoming might be worse.
    Keep to the coasts.
    …officious rat bastard government employees….

    Maybe you could add some “Why on earth would you ever want to live in Nebraska?” posts to your blog.

  6. I love Nebraska! I live in Nebraska! In Lincoln, actually…. You must have gotten a complete prat at the DMV. I’ve never had much of an issue with them, despite not doing the whole marriage thing. Or maybe it’s because I’ve never done the marriage thing? I hope that godawful experience (and the idiot who caused it) doesn’t taint your view of the state too terribly much! We’re not all bad!

    Anywho. We had a really mild summer this year, but from what everyone’s saying, we’re in for a long, hard winter. Coats, hats, scarves, boots, tights… All of them are necessities! It’s mostly the wind that gets you, so be prepared for wind. Lots of wind. Oh, god, the wind…

    • With the exception of that experience, I have nothing to say against Nebraska. There is lots to like – I promise I don’t hate it! Except, I totally might when winter comes because it basically sounds like my worst nightmare… unless I can successfully put my hibernation plan into effect, in which case, see you in the Spring!

  7. In Michigan they call DMVs the SOS, Secretary of State. I think calling that particular branch of the government the same thing as a cry for help is slyly brilliant, especially if they have a tendency toward asshattery like your experience. (Glad you ended up getting your license.)

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