At Least I’ve Learned A Few Things

The Breakup Chronicles: Part 2

First off, y’all are wonderful.  Thank you for your outpouring of support.  Sometimes we write just needing to get it out, and forget that people will have things to say.  And what you did say to me meant more to me than I can express.  You didn’t have to take the time to say a word, but you did, and it helped me a lot.  Never double that your kind words in a tough time are doing so much for someone.

Things are still uncertain and who likes uncertainty?  Not this girl.  I had grand plans to talk to Francois about it – a little check in, if you will – but when we last chatted I was tired and worried that I wouldn’t be quite eloquent enough.  So here we are.  Breakup week the second, confusion week the second.

I’m determined not to text him (or, you know, at least until Saturday).  Do you know how hard it is not to text?  It’s like when you’ve had a drink or two, and you know you really shouldn’t drunk text but you do because it’s so fun!  You’re so funny!  People must love you!  And then in the midst of that fun, when you’re trying to tell Grace one thing, you get drunk digits and instead ask her to milk you.  You know. Awkward times. (For the record, I don’t remember what I meant to tell her, but it was most certainly not for her to milk me.)    Right. Where were we?  Oh yes… I’ve been getting mixed signals out the wazoo which feels great because it feeds that little bit of hope I have, but it’s crappy because it keeps him in my thoughts.  And at the back of my mind I know that 99% of the time this sort of thing isn’t going to work out but those mixed signals are very powerful.  You tell yourself that you might be the situation that works.  It could be you!  Which is all to say, if you see me with a cell in my hand this week, you have permission to yell, “KATE, STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE.”

Here we are.  Day 9.   Here is what I’ve learned thus far:

When your bestie offers to drive in to see you?  Take her up on it.  Best friend therapy often can’t be topped and you’ll kick yourself for missing that needed time with her.  True, you will probably talk her ears off but she’s a doctor and can sew them back on.

Hang out with people, no matter how much you want to wallow or stay glued to Facebook checking for signs of activity.  (It’s unseemly the amount of time I’ve spent checking to see if he’s been active.  Someone save me.)  It’s very possible Francois will pull himself out of my life for good, but my friends aren’t leaving me anytime soon.  In times like these they are especially supportive and say the kind of thoughtful things that make you cry not because of sadness, but because you’re not sure how you got lucky enough to have them in your life.

Wine is delicious.

Pathetic walks by the lake aside, exercise is healthy.  Go on an extra long run but this time focus on overtaking the guy in front of you rather than checking the parking lots for signs of Francois.  Admire the runner’s calves as you approach.  Race past him.  Feel victorious when you leave him in the dust.  Round the corner so he can’t see you.  Walk.

Hug your cats.  I’m still missing the lazy mornings in bed with Francois but little furry gatos can be pretty comforting.  I will be not ashamed of my cat lady status.

Listen to your mother:

I hope for Francois’ sake he realizes he’s being a dick.  Because he is not going to find another Kate Hepburn.  Sometimes guys need a hammer to the head.  Just a little tap.

and later…

If things don’t work out, since you keep finding better and better guys, I think you should set your cap for…Prince Harry? Why not?

Also, two solid hours of dancing around in one’s underwear and lip syncing to Bruno Mars and Carole King is recommended.  Not that I have experience with such a thing.


17 thoughts on “At Least I’ve Learned A Few Things

  1. What a lovely normal kind of read- just like the real deal life outside of the ‘net life’…. smart, saucy and real – thx from a bitchy old warrior lady cruising sometimes just for interest’s sake…. ur cat seems cool… and friends 4 life are the best aren’t they 😉 thx 4 the share

  2. Dearest Kate,
    I can truly understand how your heart feels I’ve been there so many times I’ve lost count. But you could not be more right about dancing in your underwear and lip syncing. However, try throwing the Grease soundtrack in there too and don’t be afraid to dance on the furniture! 🙂 The funny thing about breakups…. it’s kind of like being on a perogue in the middle of a hurricane…. but once it clears out and you think your stuck in the middle of the ocean alone forever….sometimes that’s right when you discover an amazing uncharted island with the hottest man ever bronzed by the sun as you two end up making the island your new kingdom! You never know what you will discover once the storm passes but you are an amazing person that I’m sure will fine your prince charming in the end!

    • Leslie, thank you! I teared up a little, but then thoughts of bronzed gods dried them right up! Heehee. Really, I can’t thank you enough for the support.

  3. I’m new here, but since you’ve asked for advice, here’s mine: if you have to chase love, it’s not love. If you end up chasing him and get him back, you are just delaying the inevitable. “Tender yourself more dearly”. Someone else will treat you better and you won’t have to look over your shoulder wondering when the next hiccup in your relationship will happen. Don’t call, don’t text. Stay off Facebook, at least where it concerns him. Be busy with things that are good for you and make you feel good. He isn’t and doesn’t.

  4. Your Mum sounds great! When my ex split up with me in unfortunate circumstances my Mum, who never ever swears just said, succinctly “Wow, what a dick”. That curse meant more to me than anything else 🙂

    Be kind to yourself. x

  5. Breakups can be so hard, and this will sound really cliche, but time heals all wounds. Do things you love. Travel. Go to an art museum. Read a book. I know your brain is on autopilot and wants to rewind the past few weeks or months, but just force yourself to focus on right now. Eventually you will feel better! And when you don’t, we are here for you!

  6. Great advice! And we all know exactly how hard it is not to text or go straight to Facebook after the break up. But, ultimately, we have to live to learn. Or live something a bunch of times in order to learn lol! Great post!

  7. Lip syncing to Beyoncé always makes my day. Oh, and binge watching shows on Netflix is a plus as well. May I might add that cookie dough is also delicious? Despite the risk of getting salmonella? (It’s okay to be a rebel sometimes). Stay strong Kate!

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