These Two Things Are Not The Same….

I was speaking to a male blogging friend recently about some of the worst comments he has ever received (because bloggers share comments like soldiers share battle wounds) and something really struck me. Lets see what you think…

His 5 Worst Comments

  1. I hope you die
  2. Your grammar is incorrect
  3. You’re not as smart as you think you are
  4. You’re an asshole
  5. You should do more research

My 5 Worst Comments (Warning – graphic)

  1. I hope you get raped
  2. I’m going to find you and dick slap you
  3. I can’t wait to beat your cunt
  4. If you get raped, know you deserved it
  5. I’m going to shove my big dick up your ass until you bleed

So…those are not the same. All awful, but not exactly equal. What really struck me, is that my friend blogs about what might be considered controversial topics and I…well…I don’t. (At least not on the blog where I received these comments) I blog about happy things and things that make me laugh.  So, why are my worst comments so much more violent than his?

I have a pretty good theory as to why – it’s because I have a vagina.

BUT – before I add another thing to my sexism list, I thought a larger sample was in order. So, male bloggers – have you ever received violent comments? Feel free to be as vague as possible (aka, just say “yes”) as I know this can be very painful and difficult to rehash. I’m just interested to know if my friend is just super lucky in the comment troll department, or if there is something bigger at play here.

Let me know your thoughts! (And ladies, if you would like to, feel free to share as well)

– Mae

45 thoughts on “These Two Things Are Not The Same….

    • Ugh. We’ve said here on this blog before but people really do not respect Romance as a serious genre of writing and always always seem to bring it down to sex. Hello people – it’s so much more than that!

  1. Maybe it’s just because I don’t have thousands of followers or often talk about serious issues, but I’ve never had anything near like what either of you two have had posted in my comments, and I don’t moderate anything. I once had a 15 year old girl comment that she didn’t like a post because it implied that I was calling her a whore. I’d never met her, but if the shoe fits…

    Yours are definitely more hateful than his, and the direct result of being a woman. I can’t imagine posting any of these comments on a post written by a stranger, though I’d be just jerk enough to point out grammatical butchery to a known blogger. I have heard other lady bloggers lament some hateful comments they’ve gotten that have turned them off to blogging. Many of these women aren’t talking about anything perceivable as radical either. Lots of mommy does this or hates that BS. Some folks is just crazy.

    • Some folks *are* just crazy. I hate that anyone would have to be subjected to any of these comments, and I especially hate that comments like these have caused so many to stop blogging entirely!

  2. This makes me ill. I have not as yet received such horrible comments, but it sadly does not surprise me that as a woman you would have received more violent comments than a man. It is sad and terrifying that in our society, women are still more at risk for violent behavior.

  3. Strangely the rudest comment I’ve ever received is probably one of those spammy ones that tells me I “have much useful information” in my post, probably on a post where I outline an inane grocery list.

    My vagina is either less obvious or less potent than yours I assume!

  4. Wow. That is horrible! And no, not the same at all. As a female blogger, I have to say I’ve never had a comment like that at all. Then again, I don’t have much of a readership.

    • I’m glad you haven’t! And I hope you never will! (Get these comments, I mean. Obviously, I certainly hope you het more of a readership. 🙂 )

  5. I’m shocked by the comments you received. My blog doesn’t get a lot of traffic, so I usually get kind, helpful comments. And I make a point of not reading what is in my spam folder. As a survivor of sexual violence, reading such comments is pretty traumatizing.

  6. I deleted a blog of mine a few months ago because I started receiving very negative comments of similar nature (including words like cunt, bitch, and one comment saying girls deserved to get raped.) My blog wasn’t even about politics or feminism, but just a general lifestyle/autobiographical blog. It started getting negative traffic after I published a couple of posts about dating/marriage.

    • I’m sorry you had to delete your blog! And…interesting, I wrote quite a bit about dating on my blog previously and now I’m wondering if that is the trigger for these hate troll commenters….

      • Oh, I have no idea. My blog was on blogspot and somehow fell under the nose of the trolls. I’m more strategic about my current blog, which is semi-anonymous and I tag my posts conservatively.

    • Yes, absolutely and I took action on all of them. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from creating new accounts and commenting again.

  7. Blatant sexism, to be sure. The go-to, anonymous insult/threat against women is violence. But I can’t help wondering about the men’s stereotype. Let’s say that he got comments from women like, “I’m going to find you and suck you dry, you know you want it.”

    The *stereotype* for men being: that would be quite the turn-on. For most men, would it be? I would hope not!!, because rape DOES happen to men. Having THAT acknowledged is, in some ways, even more difficult than for women.

    That said, I can count on one hand the total number of comments I’ve received for all three of my blogs, and to date, none have been… at all like the ones you list.

    • Yes! Some very excellent points here! And, personally, I don’t think a man would react positively to a comment like that, I imagine he would feel as threatened and sick as I did.

  8. Ahhhh what on this earth possesses people to write things like that? It’s just idiocy and pig ignorance really I mean if they hate your writing so much why do they read it in the first place? I know the only resolution is for you to find these people and slap them. Hard. Also I think it’s highly snooty to correct people for their grammar this whole world of blogging is about freedom of expression and being yourself and just writing your soul words…who cares if it’s not literary gold!

    • actually no it isn’t that what people blog about is not literary gold…but it doesn’t have to be written as if we are submitting a manuscript for publishing. I think if there is a grammatical error it’s usually because what you are saying is so damn exciting you just can’t type fast enough 🙂

  9. I’m sorry Mae, but my blog is my space, and if anyone had to post comments like the ones you’ve received on my blog, I would report them for abuse and block them. Seriously, we all have differing opinions on all sorts of things, but there is a way to voice one’s disagreement without being downright common!

  10. It’s absolutely, terrifyingly true. If I may share an anecdote, yesterday I was on a Youtube adventure and landed on a page with some controversial content. There were a few replies that sparked a bit of anger, but then I read a comment by one particular woman which really made me angry. I scrolled down to reply, but about 20 people had already done so. They were all male, and 3/4 of them had the c-word, called her a bitch, were very abusive etc. Her responses were all measured, and I got the feeling that this was par for the course for any woman who dares to have an opinion and be vocal about it. By the time I read all that, I had no desire to reply to her, I felt more like pouring gasoline on my laptop and hoping the flames would reach Youtube’s comments section.Humanity, sometimes you make me feel the sad.

  11. I had a chatter find me (she had to dig quite deep), and send an email to my work email address; it’s been over 10 years since I’ve heard/seen/chatted with her. She demanded an apology from me for some supposed offense that happened in a chat room.
    I guess she has vagina envy even though she has one of her own. I suppose it’s like getting a better pedicure – my toes are cuter?
    I ignored the email and her, and I find her stalking skills disturbing.

    ~ Darling

  12. As a brand new blogger, I have yet to experience this perspective but I am happy to meet the rhetoric on a mat. I trust the garbage will meet up with Ms. Karma. She always knows how to return a favor.

  13. Some of these comments are not even possible. So realizing that there a bluff aimed to hurt the recieving party. I would have to say if you really want to hurt my feeling kick it up a notch. Be original. All of these comments have been said and half repeated to/by me. Make it count….there only words

  14. The people posting these sick comments are spineless and disgusting. Karma- hope you saw all this. Mae, keep writing wonderfully as you have been. I personally have not received any hateful comments, but its pretty obvious what is happening. Very disheartening to see this. But this only makes me want to write more and better. Bring it on!

  15. Pingback: #YesAllWomen | Spiritual Implications

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