My Housewife Aspirations

I want to be a housewife. I want to stay at home with the kids, cook my family meals, keep things clean and organized, be available to my family at all times, and when I get a spare minute (because don’t get it twisted, housewives are busy) I want to write. That’s what I want. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time.

I got a taste of what being a housewife might be like (minus the kids) for a couple days this week and I loved it. And I was busier than I am on most work days. And I worked longer than I do on most work days. AND I LOVED IT. And I can’t wait until that gets to be my job.

In the past, I’ve been hesitant to admit this. I’ve gotten an awful lot of side-eye from ladies questioning my “feminism” when I expressed my desire to be a housewife/stay-at-home Mom. They question the point of me even getting a BA if all I wanted was an MRS. Which, I have to say is absurd because for the longest time, I didn’t even know if I wanted to be married, but I always, always knew I wanted to be a Mom and if at all possible, I wanted to stay home with my kids. Also, I was like, really really good at college and learned a lot and oh yeah, I HAVE A CAREER. I just don’t want to do this career for ever. It’s a means to an end. It’s the money that we’re saving so that I can be a stay-at-home Mom. Wanting to be a housewife doesn’t make me less of a feminist. NOT AT ALL. Because I’m choosing it. It’s a choice, not a requirement, or an expectation from anyone else. It’s what I want. Truly.

So, here I am, saying it loud and saying it proud, because I’m choosing this choice. I WANT TO BE A HOUSEWIFE.

– Mae


65 thoughts on “My Housewife Aspirations

    • I REALY hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way. Please know that I’m not being ugly or rude…So, I’m a guy and I want and need a housewife. I’m even on Christian Mingle dating website and it’s not getting me anywhere. I’m so tired of doing 100 percent of both sides of life minus having kids because I don’t. I’m 40 and not gorgious but certainly not all together unattractive either. I’m a police officer in the army. I get off work and still have so much to do and what can I say…I need help. I’m tired (all the time) of doing it all alone and I’m tired of being single but at the same time I don’t want the head ache of the dating scene and all that. Any help on this? I don’t even know if I’m posting this in the right place. The truth is, I’m getting desperate..I know, this must seem pathetic. I’m white, 40, 6’1, 210lbs, hazel eyes, dark blond military cut hair.

  1. Sing it girl! It doesn’t matter if you’re a feminist or sexist, if you disparage anyone else’s choices, you’re just as bad as the group of people you wish to change. Being a mom is undervalued and an extremely good choice!

  2. I think that’s great! There should be no shame in declaring that’s what you want. After all, it’s what YOU want that matters. Lots of people want to be a housewife. Hell, my husband says he wants to a housewife!
    As someone who is an “unintentional” housewife, I must tell you that, like most jobs, it’s not without it’s challenges and downfalls. To name just a few… No more paychecks, raises, or promotions. No more reason to buy fabulous shoes. No more scheduled weekly Happy Hour with your office comrades.
    However…..that’s ok because you’ll also no longer expect a paycheck, a raise, or a promotion. You’ll no longer feel the need to actually schedule drinking time in advance. You’ll only have to wear those fabulously uncomfortable shoes when it strikes your fancy.

    Also, there’s a lot to be said for doing what you actually want to be doing. That’s the key here. If you have a strong desire to make a career out of something, then that’s probably what you should be doing. It doesn’t matter whether if it’s a rocket science, politics, or home making. There’s no right or wrong, feminist or anti-feminist choice. I believe you are best at the things you have a real desire to do. Period.

    Good luck!

  3. I don’t want kids, but I love being a Homemaker. Honestly, my husband is “the breadwinner” and we based our expenses off of his salary. We live comfortably in a smaller house with used vehicles and would rather spend time with friends at our, or their, home(s) than out to dinner at a fancy restaurant (though we do that from time to time as well).

    My husband loves that he can come home and relax and not have all kinds of cleaning, yard work and other non-relaxing activities every night and all weekend.

    However, I do work part-time, because my paycheck pays for the “extras”.

  4. I am a stay at home mom and there is a beauty in this thankless job. I cook, clean, garden, read, write, play with my kids, help with homework…its a never ending job. I never get days off, I’m on call 24 hours a day. When my 3 year old has an accident in the middle of the night and his sheets are in the wash and hes been ran through a quick bath; i get to snuggle with him and hear him say i love you mommy. It worth every dime i dont make working outside the home.

  5. PREACH. I couldn’t agree more, and I feel the exact same way: I’m both an ardent feminist and a woman who wants to nest, raise kids, and write. I feel like being a mom is something I was put here to do (ditto with writing), and this “real job” I’m rocking right now is totally just a means to an end. (Granted, when I started out, it was my chosen career — but now? No. Just NO.)

    I can SO relate to your situation, and I got all giddy when I saw the title of this post. Full disclosure: my first thought when I saw the title was “OH THANK GOD, I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.” So, thank you for writing this and being so honest about it — you seriously just made my day.

  6. I feel the same way! Some people frown upon that, but aren’t we allowed to make our own choices? I think just do what makes you happy. No one should complain about that

  7. I think it is great when someone really desires to be a housewife, and that it is a totally respectable thing to want! My husband told me on our second date that being a stay-at-home dad would be the most fullfilling job in the world to him…so that it our plan!

    • You can totally do it! Yes, there will be some sacrifices occasionally, but I believe it can be done. My Mom worked when I was younger and she was still an awesome Mom. I have no doubts you’ll make it happen!

  8. Feminism isn’t about living a certain way. It’s not about limiting yourself in any way. It’s about going after what you want, and you want to be a housewife. This is totally acceptable and feminist of you to want that. Go for it. 🙂

  9. I DON’T want to be a stay-at-home mom. I never do. My career does not allow for a few years away and I enjoy being around the general public too much. I have a coworker who says things like “…and that’s your choice. I just didn’t want to let someone else raise my kids.” What a horrible accusation toward working women. That’s just as offensive as calling a SAHM lazy. It is absolutely your choice and your husband’s choice ALONE to decide what is right for your family. When are we going to stop mud-slinging and start helping each other out?

    • Completely agree!!! I am not a fan of Mom-shaming, whether you’re a SAHM, or a working Mom, or don’t ever want to be a Mom at all. The shaming has to stop.

  10. feminism is about making your own choices and being confident with them. You got that down, I think. I also think that some day I may want to be a stay-at-home mom or at least not work a regular full-time job. I’d ideally like to be blogging, writing advice stuff, volunteering, or who knows! I hate the regular 9-5 grind even thought that’s what I’ll be doing very soon. I fully intend for that to be temporary.

    • I feel ya sister! And yes, feminism should definitely be about women feeling empowered to make their own choices, unfortunately, some of that gets lost in the practice.

  11. Although I have no interest in being a stay-at-home anything (except maybe stay-at-home blogger), I firmly believe that feminism means women have choices, not that women have to have the same goals than men have always had. Some men want to stay home with children and some women do. And whooo for options!

  12. More power to you! The thing that I find most disturbing about feminism these days is that it seems to have lost its soul. Feminism is inherently about every woman having the right to choose their own path. We shouldn’t force all women in a box.

    So, rock on sista! Enjoy.

  13. I hate the feminists who believe that you have to have a career (besides being a housewife) to be a feminist. You can still want rights for you and your daughters, sisters, cousins, etc. I also have a friend who didn’t think she could be a feminist, because she thought that it was good to be a stay-at-home mom. I made sure that she knew that wasn’t true, and am trying to convert her. Personally, I don’t have the strength to be a stay-at-home mom, but who knows it might change. Like you said it’s my choice.

  14. Feminism is really just about choice. I’ve always known that I want to be a mom, more than anything else, although I’d like to have a different career as well (because being a mom is certainly a career), at least for a while. I say good luck!

  15. Good for you! I don’t know why being a mother and wife has been stigmatized to be seen as “bad”. Being a house-wife and mom is bloody hard work! I don’t have kids at the moment and I already work from home (which gets chaotic, geez) but I’m quite comfortable to have my life this way and enjoy the ability to be at home and not be forced to spend time with people whom I can’t stand, lol.

    • I’m not a fan of the stay-at-home Mom stigma or the working-Mom stigma. Ladies, let’s all just drop the stigmas!

      Thanks for your comment!

  16. You will work three times as hard and get no monetary compensation!! Even though I only briefly stayed home, my kids never went to day care and it was worth everything. For them it is always worth it:)

    • Haha- yes, as soon as we have kids, I will be getting paid with snuggles. Which, I think, beats money any day. Unless you need to buy booze.

  17. I am on this train as well. Knowing what you want as a woman and making it happen is one of the strongest points of feminism. Choosing to be a stay-at-home-mom doesn’t mean I will be wearing my June Cleaver apron 24/7…but if I wanted to I would, dammit!

    Great post.

  18. Woohoo! Thanks for saying it out loud….or writing it in print! I also hope to join the Stay at Home Mom club someday. And I have a BA and an MA. Actually my mom struck a pretty good deal – she stayed home MWF and worked TT. She got to be with adults half the week and we got to play with Mom the other half. Dad worked hard all the time but he never missed a dance recital. I can’t wait to be a mom. I have a feeling I’m gonna be awesome at it. Just think of all the fantastic things we’re gonna teach our children!

  19. Well good on you. If being a housewife is truly what you want then go for it. People need to understand that we all want different things in our lives. It shouldn’t be a big deal really.

  20. The sad truth is that it doesn’t matter what choice you make, someone’s going to judge you for it. So yeah, do what is right for you and your family and tell anyone who has a problem with it to go drop on their heads.

  21. In my eyes feminism means choice, and this is your choice, people might not agree with it, but that’s just because it’s not the choice that they would make. You have to make yourself happy, don’t look for anyone’s approval on what you have to do to get there, I never do, and never will. Personally, I want to have a career, I’m going to be a nurse, but that’s my choice not anyone else’s and I would never expect someone else to have the same dream or to want the same thing just because it’s modern. I think its brilliant that you’ve admitted it, nobody should be ashamed of their aspirations and dreams … it’s just like women and boobs, we all have them *wink wink*!

  22. THANK YOU for saying this!! I just got into a giant debate on this very subject. I am SO TIRED of people calling me antifeminist because I chose to get married and stay at home with my kids. I LOVE being a housewife, it’s what I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do even from a very young age. For some reason people just don’t understand that.

  23. Pingback: Feminism: When the Oppressed Become the Oppressors | Elene Sallinger

  24. Pingback: I want to be | 64.6 Day Dreamer

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