My Wedding Fantasies Are Dark (and Filled With Newsies)

il_fullxfull.373589334_t1srWeddings are ridiculous. I’ve documented this pretty extensively so far, we can all agree. What I haven’t properly explained is that weddings also make me ridiculous. Despite wanting to keep things sweet and simple, fancies do take flight.

And, oh heavens, do I have some fancies. Unbidden, my mind conjures fabulous scenarios and decadent menus. This isn’t so much because I’ve always dreamed of a wedding, but because I love planning parties. In college, my roommates and I were known for our themed fêtes. There is a Gothic Valentine’s Day party still happening at Texas A&M, even six years after our graduation. Crazy awesome planning skills run in my veins…and, sometimes, run amok.

Grace’s Ridiculous Wedding Fantasies, Part One of – no doubt Many:

  1. I want a taxidermied mouse cake topper! Friends, these totally exist. They are adorable and macabre and the most perfect symbol of love ever. They’re also, as pointed out by my fiancé, slightly creepy to the average wedding guest. Okay, fine. Make that very creepy. The dear professor convinced me—in a discussion lasting three times longer than it should have and punctuated with my exasperated sighs over humanity’s lack of taste—that, while he thought it was awesome, people don’t like dead things near their food, even if they’re on a cute little stand that’s not actually touching food at all. So, we’ll just have a regular cake topper. Fine.
  2. I want a Newsies flashmob! To be fair, this came to me in a dream. THE BEST DREAM EVER. It went like this: We kissed, turned around to be introduced, but before the pastor could say “Mr. and Mrs. O’Kelly-McGregor…,” my matron of honor started singing “Seize the Day!” from The Newsies, signaling the beginning of an epic, twirling wedding party newsie musical number. It was awesome. So, is the song remotely appropriate for a wedding? Hell no. It’s about declaring strike on Joseph Pulitzer, but whatever. We declare strike on not being married! Let us seeeeiiiize the day!
  3.  I want a Halloween wedding! This is a thing I have always, always wanted. Halloween is my favorite holiday (costumes AND candy AND pumpkins) and it lends itself perfectly to a wedding. The bridesmaids could all wear black dresses, with different costume accessories—spider, witch, rotten carrot, etc.—and the guests could take home masks as a favor! All the centerpieces could be carved pumpkins! We could serve butterbeer! Except, oh right, our wedding is in December. So, I’ve planned an entire party in my head that is not actually happening.
  4. I want macarons for everyone! And lemon pies! And brownies! And chocolate cake! And traditional wedding cake! And crepes! And anything else made with sugar, including tiny marzipan replicas of Professor McGregor! Y’all, I could blow my entire budget on the dessert feast I’ve dreamed up in my mind. Good food is one of life’s greatest pleasures and, if I’m being honest, my favorite part of weddings…even beyond the two people pledging undying love business. It is what I measure weddings by and what I want to be remembered for. It’s not, however, what I want to spend all of the money I will ever earn on, so I should probably cool it with the candied bearded professors.

This list of ridiculous wedding fantasies will probably grow, but as long as I don’t give into them, our brunchy food truck affair should be as low key as we’re hoping. Just keep repeating your mantra, Grace: I want it to be simple and lovely. I want it to be simple and lovely. I want it to be simple and lovely and not cost a fortune and not give into unrealistic societal expectations.

Except for the cake topper, of course. I will fight for you, mouse friends!

– Grace


39 thoughts on “My Wedding Fantasies Are Dark (and Filled With Newsies)

  1. I love the halloween theme! My birthday is halloween and yes, it makes epic parties even that much more epic! For the sugar coated dessert buffet, here is an idea. Feel free to steal: we invited our guests to bring homemade cakes for our cake buffet! We seriously had ~20 cakes of all varieties and it cost us nada! People got to help out (everyone asks how they can help but do you really want to keep track of crazy aunt whoever when she forgets what her role is? bring a cake? easy! even if they forget it its not the end of the world!). Bonus #2…we had tons of choices! Bonus #3…we were able to buy a smaller (ahem…cheaper) wedding “cake” to cut!

    Oh yea, we were eating cake for days after the wedding.

    • That is an absolutely brilliant idea, Lauren! Thank you so much! I will have to start tossing it around with my nearest and dearest, but it sounds like a perfect solution. Also, can I say how jealous I am that your birthday is Halloween? Mine is at the beginning of September, which was always horrible since school had just started, so my mom would always just bump my party to Halloween. It was always such fun! Having it as your official birthday is even better!

  2. How about you have a bride’s cake with the mice? It would be much in the style of the groom’s cake, which is apparently the only piece of the wedding where the groom is supposed to have a say. Subversion for the win! It could be a mille feuille crepe cake (cake of the gods), thus hitting two birds with one stone.

    I’d eat it. Then again, I’m on the hunt for a Victorian taxidermied fox, so perhaps I’m the wrong person.

    • Oh, I like that idea, and a mille fuille actually sounds perfect for our wedding. I’m definitely going to consider it! Thanks so much, Charlotte!

      Also…if you find the taxidermied fox, let me know where. That would definitely be a Grace-friendly shop!

  3. Yes, yes, yes and Yes!!!! Heavy emphasis on number four, being incredibly partial to anything sugar in nature myself!
    Now as for the Halloween wedding, it could totally be the best wedding ever and as for a flash mob, it would take a little practice, a few beers and several impromptu sessions of Dancing with the stars! But it could be done!
    The mice cake toppers: I had to think about that one for a bit. They look cute, it definitely would be different. Ahhh what the hell! You should go for it! Leave your guests with something to talk about!!! 🙂

    • Ha! Thanks, Betty! I’m so glad you’re all in about the four. Maybe I should consider them, after all…

      The sweets and mice are, let’s be honest, probably a go!

    • Oh, holy heck. That dress is drop dead gorgeous! Way better than the traditional white affair. Your wedding sounds like it would be an absolute blast, top to bottom!

  4. Yes – the mouse cake toppers are an awesome idea!! I would not be grossed out by it. And candied bearded Professors – sounds delightful! Can’t wait to hear what you decide on/are allowed to have.

    • Drew, your post made me legitimately laugh out loud. Also, I’m so sad to hear about the ninja scrolls! Another thing to cross off my list, as well, I suppose.

      • Ninja scrolls would’ve been awesome, huh? And little chopstick favors that resemble ninja weapons. I did manage to incorporate a Star Wars march-in into my wedding though, complete with 4 crossed lightsabers and matching music! Wifey veto-ed the stormtroopers, unfortunately.

  5. Your taxidermy picture looks like you stole it from the English translation of ‘Le Dîner des Cons’ (Steve Carrel’s ‘Dinner for Schmucks’).
    SO on with the person who suggests Nightmare before Christmas themed, as it’s my most favourite movie EVER.
    And, it’s your wedding: have it your way! Why can’t you have your ‘whole’ meal be desserts, to try to make up for the inordinately expensive array of delightfully diet-destroying delicatessens? (Took me a moment to make sure all the ‘d”s lined up)
    – As for the dead mice: you don’t “have” to tell everyone they’re actually dead animals not physically ‘touching’ their food, but inedible cake ornaments, if questioned? It’s ‘technically’ not lying, as they ‘are’ inedible. And ornaments. And on a cake.

  6. I love the mouse topper and flash mob ideas. Honestly, best wedding ever. I’m sure whatever you actually plan for your wedding will be just as lovely. But mouse toppers! 😉

  7. lol, tiny marzipan hubbies 😛 Hilarious and kind of creepy. I really love the idea someone int he comments had about people bringing cakes and desserts. For that matter, in my mind, that turns into full-out potluck… in which everyone brings ‘something’, and is assigned in the invitation salad, or meat or dessert or something. I could see myself doing that, but that’s because I don’t want to have a full-out weddingy wedding with reception and such. I just want the courthouse marriage and then a big party… so potluck would be perfect.
    I hope you get your mice 🙂 Have you seen the mouse the Bloggess has? Your mice should totally be dressed in victorian-era style clothing.

    • I love the idea of a courthouse marriage and potluck reception! We have too many out-of-towners coming to have pulled it off, but it still sounds amazing. Such a wedding would be high in my list have favorites, as a guest!

      Also, I looooove the Bloggess! She may have had a hand in renewing my love of anthropomorphic taxidermy. For my mom’s birthday, I definitely bought her a little circus ringleader mouse and it’s the best thing ever. I would kill for a Victorian mouse!

  8. I think I decided on my “wedding march” song after reading this. I might as well take a young (still kind) Christian Bale as the groom while I’m at it since the position is vacant…

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