Weddings are ridiculous. I’ve documented this pretty extensively so far, we can all agree. What I haven’t properly explained is that weddings also make me ridiculous. Despite wanting to keep things sweet and simple, fancies do take flight.
And, oh heavens, do I have some fancies. Unbidden, my mind conjures fabulous scenarios and decadent menus. This isn’t so much because I’ve always dreamed of a wedding, but because I love planning parties. In college, my roommates and I were known for our themed fêtes. There is a Gothic Valentine’s Day party still happening at Texas A&M, even six years after our graduation. Crazy awesome planning skills run in my veins…and, sometimes, run amok.
Grace’s Ridiculous Wedding Fantasies, Part One of – no doubt – Many:
- I want a taxidermied mouse cake topper! Friends, these totally exist. They are adorable and macabre and the most perfect symbol of love ever. They’re also, as pointed out by my fiancé, slightly creepy to the average wedding guest. Okay, fine. Make that very creepy. The dear professor convinced me—in a discussion lasting three times longer than it should have and punctuated with my exasperated sighs over humanity’s lack of taste—that, while he thought it was awesome, people don’t like dead things near their food, even if they’re on a cute little stand that’s not actually touching food at all. So, we’ll just have a regular cake topper. Fine.
- I want a Newsies flashmob! To be fair, this came to me in a dream. THE BEST DREAM EVER. It went like this: We kissed, turned around to be introduced, but before the pastor could say “Mr. and Mrs. O’Kelly-McGregor…,” my matron of honor started singing “Seize the Day!” from The Newsies, signaling the beginning of an epic, twirling wedding party newsie musical number. It was awesome. So, is the song remotely appropriate for a wedding? Hell no. It’s about declaring strike on Joseph Pulitzer, but whatever. We declare strike on not being married! Let us seeeeiiiize the day!
- I want a Halloween wedding! This is a thing I have always, always wanted. Halloween is my favorite holiday (costumes AND candy AND pumpkins) and it lends itself perfectly to a wedding. The bridesmaids could all wear black dresses, with different costume accessories—spider, witch, rotten carrot, etc.—and the guests could take home masks as a favor! All the centerpieces could be carved pumpkins! We could serve butterbeer! Except, oh right, our wedding is in December. So, I’ve planned an entire party in my head that is not actually happening.
- I want macarons for everyone! And lemon pies! And brownies! And chocolate cake! And traditional wedding cake! And crepes! And anything else made with sugar, including tiny marzipan replicas of Professor McGregor! Y’all, I could blow my entire budget on the dessert feast I’ve dreamed up in my mind. Good food is one of life’s greatest pleasures and, if I’m being honest, my favorite part of weddings…even beyond the two people pledging undying love business. It is what I measure weddings by and what I want to be remembered for. It’s not, however, what I want to spend all of the money I will ever earn on, so I should probably cool it with the candied bearded professors.
This list of ridiculous wedding fantasies will probably grow, but as long as I don’t give into them, our brunchy food truck affair should be as low key as we’re hoping. Just keep repeating your mantra, Grace: I want it to be simple and lovely. I want it to be simple and lovely. I want it to be simple and lovely and not cost a fortune and not give into unrealistic societal expectations.
Except for the cake topper, of course. I will fight for you, mouse friends!