Will I Be A Good Mother?

This is a question most women who are planning on having children at some point ask themselves, but I never did. I’ve always wanted to be a Mom. Always been sure I would be excellent at it. I’ve started babysitting at 12, was a nanny by 15, and even taught kindergarten at one point. I’ve always enjoyed every second I’ve had around kids. Even the literally crap-filled seconds. So, no. I had never once wondered if I would be a good Mother.

Until I really truly started thinking and planning with my husband for a family of our own. It’s still years away but we are actively discussing it and saving for it. We’re talking names (spoiler alert- we don’t really have the same naming tastes), we’re talking products we will or won’t use on our children, birthing techniques, pregnancy nutrition, staying home vs. working, and just about everything else one can think of when planning for dem babays. I feel like our communication is entirely open and honest and that’s got to be a good foundation for first time parents. BUT. The inevitable BUT. For the first time ever, I’m asking myself the questions “Will I be a good Mother?”

Because it seems like no matter what course you take in “child-rearing”, (actually I hate that term, can we call it “child-raising” or “child-notfuckingup”?) they are all wrong according to someone. And since we really really don’t want to fuck up our kids, I worry. I’ve chosen to live a pretty natural/green life, but what if that isn’t right for my kids? What if they hate me for not letting them drink soda? What if they resent me for not buying them the most popular perfume because it’s filled with chemicals? What if they hate Harry Potter??? What if all the other Mother’s judge me and shame me for the way my husband and I choose to raise our children? What if my family judges and shames me for the way my husband and I choose to raise our children?

Will I be a good Mother?

That is the hardest question I won’t know the answer to for a long time.

– Mae

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43 thoughts on “Will I Be A Good Mother?

      • Yes, that is impossible. I thought that Harry Potter was a boring fad, until my husband made me watch the movies, and I’ve morphed into a major fan.
        And don’t sweat it, all mothers worry, and all mothers make mistakes. My mom made some, too, but I always knew she loved me and supported me, so those teeny weeny screw-ups were just nonsense.

  1. Oh goodness, I can only imagine the dirty looks and arguments (which I’ll win) with other mothers who won’t agree with my techniques… I think everyone has their own ways of being a “good” mom. As long as it doesn’t involve leaving your kids alone in Walmart or letting them play with silverware near electrical outlets, you’ll be doing just fine.

  2. No worries about the judgment aspect. People looooves to judge. If motherhood has given me one thing, it’s a thicker spine. I know I’m making tons of parenting mistakes. Most of what I do is trial and error. But there is always someone nearby to tell me that whatever it is I’m doing, I’m doing it wrong. LOL.

    Great post. : )

  3. Ha, planning on having kids? That’s rich. You can never be ready for what the stork brings you, and you can throw most of your preconcieved notions and best laid plans out the window once the kid is born. We weren’t going to let the tv watch our daughter for us, but you know what? For 10 minutes of peace, it was worth parking her in front of the tv for a bit. Plus we couldn’t make the babysitter not let her watch tv while we were both at work. You know what else? She’s 9 now and is a great, smart kid. Parenting is a lot of common sense, that’s why so many kids are so f#cked up nowadays. Great blog, btw!

    • Thank you! I think you’re definitely right about plans going out the window but I’m a compulsive planner so I just can’t help myself. Although your common sense tip gives me heart because I’m actually chock full of that.

      • Lol. Well you and your husband sound like good, intelligent people, so you’ll be fine. People make babies with dipshits and then are shocked when their babies wind up being at least half dipshit too! Uh, it’s why Chinese people have Chinese babies folks, genetics! Good luck!

  4. I’m not a mom, but I think the “secret” seems to be listening to what your heart tells you and not what all of the other crazy-pantses out there tell you to do. Then your child will know that every choice you’ve made has been made out of the purest intention — your love for them.

    • Yeah, my Mom always said that and now that I’m an adult she’s like “We can be friends now!” and it’s a pretty amazing relationship so I think she definitely got that right. šŸ™‚

  5. My husband and I have a son and I am pregnant with our second child, a girl. We had very strong opinions about raising children before we became parents, and let me tell you, our adorable son has humbled us! I struggle even now over whether I am a good mother – is the nutrition good enough? Is the discipline right? Am I teaching him enough? I struggle with comparing myself to the overachieving Pinterest mommies. My husband said it best: “We have a happy, smart, healthy little boy. Since he’s with his mom every day, she is doing something right.” I think that’s what you have to keep in mind however you choose to raise your kids. Know that you’ll be judged by somebody at some point, but at the end of the day, you just do what’s right for your family. I hope that’s encouraging! The fact that you’re even thinking about it tells me you’ll be a good mom.

  6. Your kids will probably hate you for all the things they will love you for later on. I hated that we didn’t have a tv or soda in the house. Now? I don’t have a tv or drink soda and really appreciate that I was brought up that way. There will be things that your children will think you did wrong, but as long as you love them things will work out.

  7. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone’s kids resent them for something. I think as long as you feed your kid, give it a roof, and make sure it knows it’s loved, you’ll be fine.

  8. My mom told me that having kids is trial-and-error. I don’t think there is a definite way to to determine if you would be a good mother. Even some people who seem like that they would be awful as parents seem to somehow change their lives for their children. But who knows; I’m not a mom yet.

  9. Just found your blog, love it! There’s a lot of wisdom in these replies and as a mom of two I agree with it all. I was never having kids, EVER, would’ve had a root canal.. so you see that that planning thing doesn’t cooperate. The best advice I ever got was that while yes, they are just children, ultimately they are little people and our job is to raise them to be people (not babies) so expectations, mutual respect, and a willingness to admit and apologize to their faces when mom screws up has yielded me some pretty cool kids. Have I gotten heat for my style? You bet. But has it worked for me and my kiddos? Absolutely and what else matters in the end? šŸ™‚

  10. “What if they hate me for not letting them drink soda?”

    It’s their job to hate you for not letting them drink soda. It’s your job to not fuck them up. I had three that are not fucked up. I’m sure it’s not too late for that to happen, but, they’re in their twenties. It won’t be on me.

  11. Being a parent, mom or dad, is the most important choice you will make, all you got to do is just follow your heart, and look there are times when your kids will hate you, believe me i hated my parents sometimes but, they where being good parents, and if your kids are good kids they will relize why mom spanked, grounded, time out, or however you chose to punish, or why you chose to be the way you are, do not worry so much, if you do not want a child, fine do not have one, but if you do, then have one, and enjoy being a mother. Full time housewife, or working mom well both work but you get the idea. Just enjoy being a mom. My mom was an old fashioned 50’s housewife, who spanked, hugged, and was always tough, but anyway hope you pick what is right for you.

      • You are welcome, another tip, do not let others tell you how to parent, if you want to be a working mom who spanks, or a stay at home mom who spanks that is YOUR choice, or if you are a working mom who grounds, or stay at home mom who grounds again, that is your choice, if people talk that is their problem not yours. If you want to work outside the home fine, if you want to stay home, like my fiance, which is her choice, then fine as well.

  12. My question unfortunately, is ‘will a be a mother’? Let alone a good one…
    After two miscarriages and battling with fertility I have learned the hard way, that just because you decide to have children, life doesn’t always oblige.
    Good luck to you and I’m sure you will do just fine as a mom

    • Thank you for your comment- I’m so sorry that your journey has been a difficult one. I’m sending you all the pregnanty thoughts and wishing you all the best in the world!

  13. I’ve already decided my children will adore Harry Potter, it’s not an option. Or, at the very least, show an appreciation for how much it means to me and my generation šŸ™‚

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