This is a question most women who are planning on having children at some point ask themselves, but I never did. I’ve always wanted to be a Mom. Always been sure I would be excellent at it. I’ve started babysitting at 12, was a nanny by 15, and even taught kindergarten at one point. I’ve always enjoyed every second I’ve had around kids. Even the literally crap-filled seconds. So, no. I had never once wondered if I would be a good Mother.
Until I really truly started thinking and planning with my husband for a family of our own. It’s still years away but we are actively discussing it and saving for it. We’re talking names (spoiler alert- we don’t really have the same naming tastes), we’re talking products we will or won’t use on our children, birthing techniques, pregnancy nutrition, staying home vs. working, and just about everything else one can think of when planning for dem babays. I feel like our communication is entirely open and honest and that’s got to be a good foundation for first time parents. BUT. The inevitable BUT. For the first time ever, I’m asking myself the questions “Will I be a good Mother?”
Because it seems like no matter what course you take in “child-rearing”, (actually I hate that term, can we call it “child-raising” or “child-notfuckingup”?) they are all wrong according to someone. And since we really really don’t want to fuck up our kids, I worry. I’ve chosen to live a pretty natural/green life, but what if that isn’t right for my kids? What if they hate me for not letting them drink soda? What if they resent me for not buying them the most popular perfume because it’s filled with chemicals? What if they hate Harry Potter??? What if all the other Mother’s judge me and shame me for the way my husband and I choose to raise our children? What if my family judges and shames me for the way my husband and I choose to raise our children?
Will I be a good Mother?
That is the hardest question I won’t know the answer to for a long time.