How NOT To Embarrass Your Husband

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Ha! I totally tricked you with that title because I almost always embarrass my husband. Except he always tells me he isn’t embarrassed which is a real testament to his inability to embarrass and less about me not saying embarrassing things. Because I do. FREQUENTLY.

Anyway, here are things you should avoid if you don’t want to embarrass your husband. I’ve done every one of these things. You probably shouldn’t. And since I’m telling you that, I’m totally counting this as a public service. You’re welcome.

  • Nickname his penis.
  • Nickname his penis and then tell your closest friends about it.
  • Ask him questions through the bathroom door at your parent’s house.
  • Slap his ass at the grocery store.
  • Tell everyone he has a hole in the crotch of his pants.
  • Remark on his pooping capacity over dinner with friends.
  • Tell a story about tampons and TSS over dinner with friends.

I know, it’s kind of crazy someone wanted to marry me, right? Although, I think the moral of this story is, I shouldn’t be allowed to have more than one hard cider ever. EVER.

– Mae

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7 thoughts on “How NOT To Embarrass Your Husband

  1. Hahahah that’s okay. Years ago I was grocery shopping with my boyfriend at the time (no he did not marry me… thank goodness! We would have killed each other eventually…) and I was in the health aisle. I knew my boyfriend had an itchy rear at times and without even thinking, I spotted a bottle of “stop itch” powder, picked it up, and loudly said to my boyfriend “You could use this for your itchy bottom”.. . Once I realised what I’d said and where I’d said it (luckily it was a Tuesday night and there were few people in the shop) I burst out into such laughter that I had to hold my sides, and hold onto the nearest shelf for support.

    Do don’t worry. These things happen to the best of us. 😀

  2. OMG – all this time I thought he loved having his penis named. Yikes…I’m going to have to re-plan my entire life plan now. LOL.

    I’m with Stephanie though – the boyfriend loves the butt grabs. I guess because its equal opportunity and he gets to grab mine? Not sure. But to be fair, they are pretty discreet butt grabs. Not like I’m making loud obnoxious honking sounds while doing it (Even though in my head…I am, lol)

  3. I have a secret suspicion that you are the southern version of me, and if that’s true I just really want to know where you found your husband so I can find one that puts up with me!
    Thanks a bunch, this made me laugh a lot!

  4. Most men have nicknames for their penises so there wouldn’t be a need for me to give it a name anyway,right? Anyway thanks for your public service. I will keep myself in check when I do get married. Lol.

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