Forever Is A Really Long Time

Professor McGregor and I are probably getting married. We’ve discussed it extensively, my dad is scouting out potential venues, and I’ve already decided on a dress (to be fair: I’ve wanted a Dolly Couture dress for years now, forthcoming nuptials or not). He hasn’t proposed, but the only reason I use the word “probably” is because the apocalypse is supposedly nigh. Roving zombie hordes tend to change plans a bit.

Readers, I never thought I’d get married. It always seemed more likely that middle-aged Kate and I would share a rambling old Victorian mansion, collecting pets and rare books with a fervor and throwing tea parties for our bemused, but enchanted neighbors. This didn’t bother me. This, I thought, was a most excellent plan. None of my grand dreams for the future included a husband. Sure, I have a wedding board on Pinterest, but that’s because I live for pretty dresses and flower arrangements. It wasn’t even a daydream, it was an exercise in never-going-to-happen musings.

Now, in less than six months, it’s a thing that’s happening. I’ve met the guy. It’s wonderful.

It’s also terrifying. Why did no one warn me? Pop culture would have us believe that all the angst is in the finding of love, not in keeping it. This is not so! Admittedly, I find anxiety in the oddest of things, but the future seems to teem with danger. What if the things he finds endearing now become squeaking-dog-toy annoying? What if we violently disagree on the names of our spawn? What if I’m struck by a car, resulting in a massive head injury that changes my personality, forcing him to stick by me even though I’m suddenly a muppet supremacist?

It’s not Professor McGregor I doubt, but myself. I’ve never felt this way before, so how can I be sure everything will turn out well? Forever is a really long time. There’s plenty of opportunity for me to accidentally hurt him or ruin everything. I know that he’s funny. I know that he’s cute. I know that he’s eminently practical, which I both need and admire. But how do I know I won’t screw it all up? It’s easy to get lost in thoughts of pink bridal shoes and invitation sets, but the emotional questions keep me up at night.

People claim it will all work out. “What’s meant to be will be!” they shout with happy smiles. But, y’all, horrible things happen all the time. Nobody goes through life in a constant state of happiness. People die, people contract horrid illnesses, people inexplicably fall out of love. We take the good with the bad in life, but it doesn’t make the bad any less scary. I want to be this joyful forever. I want to be free of anxious questions forever. I just want to make Professor McGregor happy forever.

Forever, however, is like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. The path to happiness seems to lie in that sunny meadow over there, but an anaconda might wait in the grass, ready to snack on my heart. I can’t just flip the pages back in real life. Professor McGregor is the adventure I choose, happily and whole-heartedly, but I’d really like some carnivorous snake repellant just in case.

– Grace

You Put Up A Door For Me & Other Romantic Tales

Professor McGregor brought me iced tea.

Your knees didn’t properly go weak there, so let me explain. If there is one unerring truth in the universe, it’s this: Grace loves unsweetened black iced tea. When your ancestors move to the South, then don’t leave for four-hundred years, this is the result. It can be below-freezing outside and I’d still like ice in my leaf water, thanks. Professor McGregor has picked up on this.

Monday afternoon, I’m sitting in his backyard, playing with his new puppy and waiting for him to get home for lunch. The plan was thus: he’d pick up sandwiches, we’d eat them, then I’d leave for Austin. In my overly complicated ordering instructions (Ham & Swiss, with lettuce, on wheat, plus olive oil & any salad vinegar…unless they don’t have any, then just meat, cheese, and the tiniest bit of mustard on white. Yes, I am that ridiculous, kittens.), never did I mention a beverage. Yet, when the screen door opened, my delightful boyfriend held a gigantic cup of iced tea. If the Great Lakes were to suddenly dry up, this cup could have refilled them. The man not only quizzed the sandwich maker about types of vinegar, but remembered my love for vast quantities of tea!

Y’all, my insular cortex swooned. I know that women are socially conditioned to want flowers, chocolate, and unreasonably sized teddy bears, but they don’t really do it for me.  Flowers and chocolate are lovely, but I regularly buy those for myself, and I’ve always been vaguely nervous about cuddling with bears. If I were a witch, out to seek revenge on mankind for a great wrong done to my sisters, my opening volley would be turning all stuffed animals into actual animals. (Not that I believe in witches, but I still only sleep with small, easily subdued stuffed creatures. ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL.) Never having had a boyfriend who strayed outside these socially accepted displays of affection, I didn’t realize how happy legitimate gestures of love would make me. My heart, it pittered and pattered.

Professor McGregor, it turns out, does these things all the time. If he’s not bringing home iced tea, he’s grabbing me bottles of water at a football game or insisting I take his sweatshirt, because I’m the human version of permafrost. Kittens, a couple of weekends ago, he even put up a door for me. Friends were staying with him for the weekend, which meant my usual use-the-guest-bathroom routine was disrupted. Because he lives in an old house, full of both charm and a weird lack of three-hole plug outlets, the door to his bathroom has been missing since he bought the place. Knowing I would be sharing with him all weekend, he bought and hung a door, before I came in town. A man who is both handy and considerate? I don’t even know how to handle that!

I’m not really sure what the point of this blog post is, except that, sometimes, iced tea is more romantic than roses. Sometimes, the man you’re dating in real life is better than Ryan Gosling’s latest character. Sometimes, you just have to write a blog post talking about how awesome your boyfriend is, because if you tell him you “think he’s neat” one more time, he might realize how poorly you process emotion in real life.

– Grace

This Blog Post Represents Countless Research Hours and Human (Me) Testing. You’re Welcome.

As my wedding draws ever nigh (nigher? Is that a thing?) I am spending more and more time on beauty. I want to look gluminescent (yes, that is a word I just made up) at the wedding. Because, y’all, people are going to be looking at me the whole time. For like 12 hours, people will pretty must just be looking at me. So, you know, I don’t want to let them down by being less than gluminescent. So, because I’ve been spending countless hours researching (and spending lots of money) I thought I would share with y’all some tips that have definitely been working for me. Is this post vain? Superficial? Silly? Possible, but it’s also fun and informative so there.

1. Argan oil is all thing wonderful. Get thee to a Sephora and purchase some Josie Maran Argan Oil stat! I am completely enamored with it. And shocked a bit as well because my skin had always been on the oily side so using oil on it seemed absurd, but I decided to try it after reading countless stellar reviews and I am officially hooked. Hooked like a sea bass y’all. I Josie Maran 100% Argan Oil at night by itself and in the morning I mix about 4 drops of it in my SPF moisturizer. I’ve been doing this for about 3 weeks and can already see a huge difference in my skin. It’s softer, my pores are smaller, and there is a certain glow. Also, remember my search for the perfect lip balm? I found it. It’s Josie Maran’s Argan Balm and it’s magical.

2. Green tea all day everyday. I’ve always been a big green tea fan, but recently I’ve been drinking around 3-4 cups a day and not only do I think it’s helped contribute to my skin glow, I also think it’s helped me stave off my typical afternoon cravings. Which is good because I have a fabulous dress to fit into.

3. Vaseline. I read an article in Elle by a dermatologist that said vaseline is actually one of the best eye moisturizers out there. So, because I’m pretty easy to convince, I tried it one night. I woke up the next morning with very happy looking under-eyes. Usually, no matter how much sleep I’ve had, I wake up with under-eyes that look like I’ve joined a fight club (which I haven’t, but if I had I wouldn’t tell you about it because first rule guys….). Not so much anymore. I have tried all manner of eye brightening cream and nothing has worked for me as well as vaseline. Go figure.

4. Water water everywhere- you better drink every drop. So, I have to pee like all the time, but my skin is way clearer and smoother. Drink that water y’all.

5. Primer is a thing you should use. I always thought primer was just a way to make people like me spend more money but actually it’s a thing you should use. For everyday I use “That Gal” by Benefit and for special event when my makeup must be flawless, I use the Vitamin E Primer by Korres. Both are amazing. I get a special little glow from the Benefit primer that I like for everyday but the Korres primer is way better for my flawless glam face. Also, I don’t use it they way you’re supposed to because I’m a make-up rebel y’all. I actually mix the primer with my makeup or tinted moisturizer. It always looks better when I do that. I don’t know why, but it does.

I have loads more tips but I have to save something for the next post, right? Do you guys have any tips you want to share? I would love to hear them! (Or, you know, read them.)