This Is a Load of Schick

Y’all, I have a confession. This one is really embarrassing, so brace yourselves.

I have hair on my legs.

Also on: my arms, stomach, and lady bits. That’s right, I am covered in hair! HAIR, I SAY! This is, obviously, not acceptable. Women are delicate, nice-smelling, and totally bald everywhere except on their heads, where they have lush, flowing Disney princess locks that sway majestically in the breeze and never get frizzy. Everyone knows this. Why do I suck so hard at being a woman?

Oh, right. I don’t. I have hair on my legs, because I am both a woman and a human. Humans, it turns out, have hair everywhere because it keeps us warm. Back before we relied upon ASOS for their super cute swing coats, people just ran around naked, wishing for more hair to cover their bits and pieces from the elements. Why, up until the 1920s, women never shaved their legs. It was only with rising hemlines that society decided women should be less furry. However, now, hairlessness is considered the Right and Natural Way of Things. In less than 100 years, we have gone from being okay with the actual natural state of a woman’s body to reviling it.

What the hell? We’re not fooling anyone. It’s not like men don’t know we have hair. Unless you’ve lasered ever follicle on your body, chances are a man has felt stubble on your legs. If it’s even remotely cold outside, I can shave four times a day and still not stay smooth. My legs want to be warm! Yet, I keep investing in razors and fancy shaving creams. Last week, in a quest to go more than a day with smooth legs, I even tried the infamously smelly depilatory cream, Nair. It both smelled and burned. It was like I rubbed aloe-scented battery acid on my poor calves. Worse, it wasn’t even worth it! Despite all the itching and redness that really told me something scientific was happening, the hair still came back the next day.

So, what’s the point? Why do we add an extra ten minutes to each day, just to get rid of hair that will come back anyway? We are wasting so much time, kittens. If I’d shaved every day since I was eleven, that would be 40 whole days spent on depilation.

Of course, I haven’t shaved every day for sixteen years. Some boyfriendless winters, I’ve gone weeks without picking up a razor. Such is the glory of wearing tights or jeans most days. I’m only complaining now, because a winter without that option is unfurling before me. Despite how apt I am to shout “Vive le revolution!” and throw out my razor, I still give in. When I’m making out with Professor McGregor, I don’t want to worry about the forest on my legs and whether he’s making any judgments about it. So, I shave. So, I grumble.

One day, perhaps I will have the courage of my convictions and stop this ridiculous farce. Until then, let me just say: this sucks. Now, pass me that damned razor.

– Grace


24 thoughts on “This Is a Load of Schick

  1. Oh the joy of being 2+ years into a relationship… stubble is the norm, shaving is reserved for date night 🙂

    Also, lasering hurts like crazy! Not worth it in my book…

  2. When I’m not in a relationship, I turn into a cavewoman. Seriously! There are certain activities I do for myself, like plucking my eyebrows or doing my makeup sometimes, and shaving my underarms, that’s hygiene stuff. But the legs? That’s solely for other people. It’s fall! I’m not parading around with my legs out, and I’m freezing! Can’t a girl catch a break?

  3. I have to agree with mlleallie – fifteen years with the same man… I think he expects hair now, mostly because if I’m not seeing the aesthetician every 4 weeks – it saves money. I shave when I think about it – usually before some date-night-like event, or a photo shoot.

    I look forward to tights season…

  4. You know if you wax, you only have to do it once a month or so. 🙂 I waxed my legs for the first half of my twenties and then I stopped because it was expensive. All those years of doing it though, mean that I get very little hair growing on my legs these days. So I tend to let them go ages without shaving until I discover a weird hairy patch on my ankle or something. I don’t think my husband really cares at all.

  5. I gave in to the laser on my ‘lady bits’ and while it wasn’t quite as painful as getting a tattoo or being mauled by a wildcat, I thought it was worth it that first swimsuit season. But it turns out it is about as permanent as a dry erase marker, and now I’m back to being a slave to the razor downstairs.

  6. At least equality is making some headway on this topic, since it increasingly seems that men are also not supposed to be human, and should be completely hairless.

    Of course, I’m also in that conflicted state where I find it terrible that women are subjected to these social norms, while I also complain if my girlfriend forgets her razor for too long…

    Now I just hope no one saw me commenting on this very un-manly topic 😉

  7. “Why do we add an extra ten minutes to each day[…]” – Ten minutes!? You are a speedy shaver. Way to go! It takes me like 15-20… if I go that quickly I cut myself a dozen times.

    Sadly, my partner and I BOTH feel we have to do it. How’s that for ridiculous? It’s definitely not a secret from fellow-females that we’re hairy.

  8. well…I like my man with shaven face (or with bit of stubble) and other hair trimmed if not shaved off…and they did that for me, so I have no problem doing the same for them :p and for myself, I LIKE myself smooth, not a slave to it but being single and celibate for over two ears I still shave and cream and do all that FOR MYSELF 🙂
    make up is a totally different story (only for very special date or on really shitty days when I can’t look at myself in the mirror)

  9. When I started seeing my first boyfriend I felt like I always had to be silky smooth and shaved every other day but after a few months I went back to my normal routine of shaving my legs every week or two, some trimming the front garden every few months (vive le bush!) and bikini line and fiddly bits whenever I feel like it, same with armpits. Sure, I’m careful to look my best when starting out with a new guy, but I seem to relax my shaving routine sooner and sooner. It’s nice.
    Overall, I don’t think that guys really care that much, and I think that confidence is sexier than a perfectly preened body! 🙂

  10. An older-sister type friend of mine convinced me that epilators were the way forward. Subsequently, I would spend about an hour twice a week rolling a very angry lilac scarab beetle over my legs while bent into what probably looked like an impossible yogic position trying to remain hairless….and when the hair grows back as and when, you get compulsive about tearing it all out until you get the nice leper-effect all over your legs. Boyfriend had to convince me to leave my legs be and give in to the hair, but dammit! Society makes me feel like I’m a crazy bear-woman for doing it! (I’m considering leaving this as the Amazon review for that epilator.)

  11. I stumbled upon your post and I suddenly remembered the dream I had this afternoon. I was talking with a friend and telling her how injectible testosterone shots made females grow hair on their legs just like men. Then I raised my left leg and to my surprise mine was covered with curly hair. Haha. I felt embarassed but I just continued the conversation.

  12. Right??? We are not fooling anybody.

    I have recently gotten up the nerve to wear a skirt with slightly hairy legs (on the weekends when I’m not seeing anyone important).

  13. Ha! When my husband and I first started seeing each other 8 years ago, I was smooth as a baby’s bum! Everywhere! But now that he has convinced me that he loves me unconditionally with flaws and all, I have let myself go a tad bit. I now make sure that I am freshly shaven only for special occasions – like when it’s time to visit my gynecologist! 😉

  14. I always laugh at period drama movies and the inevitable love scene where the hero runs his hand up his love’s skirt revealing her beautiful smooth hairfree legs.

  15. Haha. Thanks for the laugh! When I was in grade eight at highschool, I just thought that women didn’t grow hair under their armpits until a friend of mine said she shaved hers. I was incredulous – you WHAT? WHY! Now I know…

  16. I shave everyday (legs and armpits) – got it down to a science, it takes about two minutes. I do it for myself though. I’ve been single for… oh, about 7 years with the exception of the odd few months here and there. Now, if only I could bring myself to forgoe the bikini waxes! Ouch!

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