Real Talk With Grace’s Mom: Marijuana

Most women I know dread becoming their mothers. They’ll say something out of character – whether it be more biting, more conservative, more in line with Wiccan teachings, what have you – and follow it up with, “Oh, God. It’s happening! I’m turning into my Mom!”

This is not a problem for me. My mom is awesome. If, in 30 years, I wake up to find myself identical to her, my life will be a success. She paints, she has a wicked sense of humor, she’s impossible to beat at Trivial Pursuit, and – most of all – she has an amazingly clear-eyed view of human nature. Y’all, my mother knows All The Answers. Sometimes, however, these answers surprise her eldest daughter.

My mom is really great about not prying into my personal life (Unlike my father, whose fears of my impending catladydom have turned him into a deluded matchmaker, convinced my soulmate is the pest control man’s grandson, because “he looks like your type – scruffy, wearing a vest.”), so our relationship conversations are few and far between. Most of the time, they happen because I am in dire need of some advice. Like when I asked “So…would we call a man’s habitual pot smoking a deal-breaker?”

Y’all, I know. I’m a traitor to my generation. Yes, I think marijuana should be legalized and I don’t care if my friends do it, but it’s not something I’m personally into. I hate being drunk, much less high. It’s just not something I can relate to – I prefer all my faculties to be in full, working order. Plus, let’s be honest: I’m paranoid enough. Can you imagine a high version of me? Jesus Christ. That’s a terrifying thought.

So, yeah, I don’t smoke. Quite a few of the men I’ve dated, however, have. It hasn’t bothered me, when it’s only a couple times a month, but when it’s all the time? My brain starts turning. Do I really want to start a relationship with someone who is so fundamentally opposite of me, in this lifestyle choice? What if he chooses smoking over hanging out with me? What if he gets caught? Oh my God, what if I get caught, because I was aware of it and that is also (maybe) a crime? What if he smokes, because if he doesn’t, he turns into the Hulk, thanks to a gamma radiation experiment gone terribly, terribly wrong?

Why, yes, my brain is a terrifying place. Yet, these questions are valid. (Especially the Hulk one – have comic books taught us nothing? Radiation is not to be trifled with, people!) Or, they seemed that way anyway, before I talked with my mother, whose response went a little like this:

Grace, you’re being ridiculous. Some people need pot to relax. Some people need books to relax. Just because you’re the latter doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the former. Be glad he has it in his toolbox and it works. I wish your dad would smoke a bowl sometimes, it would really help him out. Hell, if I get Glaucoma when I’m 80, maybe your friend could hook me up with a reputable dealer. Besides, it’s better for you than cigarettes, unless you’re one of the teenage boys in which it induces psychosis. Does it induce psychosis?  If he’s completely functional, who cares?

Duly noted. So, yeah. My mother is way cooler than I am and, apparently, my dad could use some pot. These are the things a girl learns, when taking advice from Grace’s mom.

– Grace

15 thoughts on “Real Talk With Grace’s Mom: Marijuana

  1. I love your mom’s response! I personally make it a rule not to care about my significant other smoking pot, just as long as it is used for relaxation. If it interferes with his motivation, however, that’s when I have a problem.

    • Kameron, I think that’s a great place to draw the line. If it doesn’t interfere with someone’s life, is there really any harm? It’s just another way to relax. Thanks for the comment!

    • Oh, wow! Thank you so much! That’s quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever said (typed) to me. We will definitely be checking out your blog!

  2. I deeply disagree with your mum, occasional smoking/drinking yeah, good, regular…would she like you to be with an alcoholic? cause this is exactly the same thing! pot does change a person-do you want to be with the real him/her? then see them only when they are clean/sober and when they deal with things clean/sober, pot it’s not a tool, it’s an escape from reality, from real emotions, from facing real world the way it is and being emotionally and spiritually responsible
    any drugs (alcohol included) change ones perception and personality
    most alcoholics use the “relaxation” excuse
    go do yoga, or meditate or have sex, or drink herbal tea to relax!
    using addictive, mindaltering substances and saing: it’s for relaxation is lame excuse in my opinion…
    saing that-everybody makes their own choices, I don;t trust people that smoke regularely, I know quite a lot of them and they all use the same explanations, they can be very nice but I’m not interested in that form of relaxation so it’s hard for us to “relax” together…

    • Those are all very excellent points, me. Thank you for the great comment! I should probably elucidate that the person in question regarding this advice is a bit of an aberration, in that I couldn’t tell when he was high. Still lucid, intelligent, what-have-you – no discernible personality change. Though, you’re right of course – it could easily be a sign of wanting to disengage from the world, which would be worrying in its own right.

      • ummmm, can you tell me how often is “all the time” ? is it possible that you’ve never seen him clean/sober and actually don’t know what is he like without smoke?

  3. This reminds me of the story my sister told me about something my father (a police officer) told her when they were on a hike in the woods. Something along the lines of “if you’re going to do a drug, do this drug… it’s a ‘clean’ drug…”
    For the sake of his privacy, I’m not going to tell you what drug that was. You can just speculate.
    (He won’t admit to saying it, but it still made me giggle.)

    • Oh, my speculation is totally going to run wild now, Meredith! Thanks for the great comment. I’m always amazed by how unexpected some people’s beliefs and views can be – especially parents.

  4. I just spent time looking up catladydom in the dictionary and being quite confused before I said it out loud to myself. 🙂

    Your mom does sound cool, although I’m not sure I actually necessarily agree with her. Substance use makes me uncomfortable and I wouldn’t be good with someone who uses it regularly. I’m not saying it’s an issue for other people to do; I just wouldn’t be ok with it. My issue, not theirs, but it would be an issue. I think it’s a question that only you can answer for yourself, to be honest.

  5. I’m right with you Grace – hate being drunk and the thought of being high just scares the crap out of me. Maybe it’s the control freak in me. Who knows.

    Your mum is pretty damn open minded about it! I know for sure that my mum would be somewhat more on the fence about it than yours.

  6. Your mom definitely sounds like a cool lady but i must admit, i’ve had a few relationships with guys who smoke pot religiously and the relationship ended abruptly because i could not deal with such aggressive behaviour all the time. i agree with the incredible hulk theory!! sometimes it was abit too scary to bear and i am glad i am out of those relationships now.

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