Pork Sword Fighting

Like this, but with penises.

Ok, so people getting hit on at the airport is totally a thing. I used to think that it was just something that happened in movies sometimes but it’s actually something that happens in real life. I know because I witnessed it and it was glorious.

I was sitting at an airport restaurant with my fella grabbing some nom-noms before our flight and I noticed a woman sit down at the table right next to us and I also noticed the man at the table across from her eyeing her from head to toe with a lot of eye-pausing on her boobies. Then, right before my eyes, this happened.

Man: Chloe?

Woman: Yes? 

Man: It’s me, Donovan. Remember?

Woman: I’m so sorry! You look so familiar though. 

Man: Just kidding, you don’t know me. 

Woman: Oh! Um…how did you know my name?

Man: It’s on your luggage tag. 

Woman: Oh! Haha! That’s a good one. 

Then the woman sat down and my boyfriend kept trying to talk to me but I kept shushing him, because he was being very rude while I was trying to watch this disaster of a pick-up. Then, the woman’s HUSBAND came and sat at the table and the woman told him what was going on and the two guys started talking to each other.

Man: Yeah, I’m a major stock-broker. 

Woman’s Husband: That’s cute. I sell multi-bajillion dollar homes because I’m smarter than you and also my penis is way bigger. 

Man: Isn’t that special. I played in the NFL and also I’m pretty sure my penis and my bank account are bigger than yours. 

Woman’s Husband: I get to bang this hot piece of ass across the table from me anytime I want. 

Man: Oh yeah? Well, I get to bang lots of chicks I never have to call again anytime I want. 

I may be paraphrasing a bit. My boyfriend had totally gotten sucked in by this real-life reality show of a situation and he leaned over to me while the men were talking to one another and said, “Those guys are sword fighting right now.” to which I replied, “No honey, they’re pork sword fighting.” 


13 thoughts on “Pork Sword Fighting

  1. I got hit once on while on a 15 hour plane ride and then had too much to drink and kissed him when we were somewhere over the ocean while I was on the way to see my Australian boyfriend and that’s the reason I ended up moving to WI {insert eventual pork sword joke here}.

    Airports are the new “last call” situation in the bar. Whatever’s in front of you at that time, you hit on.


  2. my friends & I LOVE people watching & making up conversations when we cant hear everything (we are shameless eavesdroppers…). I’ve been paging through previous posts – each one gets better & better !

  3. So funny. But I’ve had the opposite experience in airports. Because there is no chance of rushing back to her place for a quickie, there’s no attempt at impressing women. Ten years ago while waiting for a flight I found all the men to be horrendously selfish. It was happy hour, the bar was jampacked. I stood there waiting for an empty chair, and my back was killing me. Each time a seat opened, I walked towards it and every time a man who just came in, and SAW me waiting, would dive into the chair even as I was approaching it. This happened time and time again, no chivalry. And I realized the hard cold reality; men are only nice to women in bars and buy them drinks or offer up a seat if there’s a chance they’ll be getting laid. Very eye opening for me.

  4. I ran into someone I used to work with at the airport not too long ago. I was very grateful that I decided to put on makeup for my flight, because he’s a cutie. Nothing happened though. I found out later that he thought I was still with my ex at the time, so I wonder what would have happened had I mentioned my breakup…Oh well. Live and learn!

  5. OMIGOD I never get any good stories at the airport. I’ve never seen anything like this in the airport or on the plane. I’m incredibly envious!

  6. My airport trips are never as exciting! I long to be able to just look around and hone in on some exciting situation. You’ll just have to post more of yours. This was brilliant!

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