Ok, so people getting hit on at the airport is totally a thing. I used to think that it was just something that happened in movies sometimes but it’s actually something that happens in real life. I know because I witnessed it and it was glorious.
I was sitting at an airport restaurant with my fella grabbing some nom-noms before our flight and I noticed a woman sit down at the table right next to us and I also noticed the man at the table across from her eyeing her from head to toe with a lot of eye-pausing on her boobies. Then, right before my eyes, this happened.
Man: It’s me, Donovan. Remember?
Woman: I’m so sorry! You look so familiar though.
Man: Just kidding, you don’t know me.
Woman: Oh! Um…how did you know my name?
Man: It’s on your luggage tag.
Woman: Oh! Haha! That’s a good one.
Then the woman sat down and my boyfriend kept trying to talk to me but I kept shushing him, because he was being very rude while I was trying to watch this disaster of a pick-up. Then, the woman’s HUSBAND came and sat at the table and the woman told him what was going on and the two guys started talking to each other.
Man: Yeah, I’m a major stock-broker.
Woman’s Husband: That’s cute. I sell multi-bajillion dollar homes because I’m smarter than you and also my penis is way bigger.
Man: Isn’t that special. I played in the NFL and also I’m pretty sure my penis and my bank account are bigger than yours.
Woman’s Husband: I get to bang this hot piece of ass across the table from me anytime I want.
Man: Oh yeah? Well, I get to bang lots of chicks I never have to call again anytime I want.
I may be paraphrasing a bit. My boyfriend had totally gotten sucked in by this real-life reality show of a situation and he leaned over to me while the men were talking to one another and said, “Those guys are sword fighting right now.” to which I replied, “No honey, they’re pork sword fighting.”