The Injustice of Genitalia Slang.

Dictionary of Slang

Have you ever thought about how many names there are for genitalia outside of the anatomically correct “penis” and “vagina”? Because I’ve thought about it a lot. And I’ve come to one conclusion: penises get a lot more slang terms than vaginas and that’s not ok with me.

Think about all the slang terms you use or have heard of for penis. I’ll give you a few minutes because it took me about 10 to exhaust my mental penis slang directory.

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Finished already? (That’s what she said….) Ok, good. I bet you were able to come-up with at least 10 and that’s not even close to the actual 200+ the magical internet oracle was able to provide me with (in a Chrome incognito search of course). Here are a few of my personal favorites.

 Peen. I don’t know why, it just always makes me smile.

Who Who Dilly. It sounds like a mix between something you can buy at Dairy Queen and a Dr. Seuss character.

Bologna Pony. Sure, it’s gross but also it rhymes.

And then there are the ones I hate.

Ding-a-ling. It’s not a doorbell. Trust me.

One Eyed Snake/Monster.  A term coined to keep young women abstinent by terrifying them. It probably worked for a while.

Purple-Headed Soldier. Ummm…my vagina is not a war you are entering.

When I performed the exact same search for vagina, I was very disconcerted by the results. Only about 100 terms were found and of those, about 25 referred to the clitoris specifically so I’m not counting them. My favorites of those include,

Birth Cannon. I feel like it really gets across the brutality and bloodiness of what happens to you down there when you pop out dem babies.

Minge. I just feel so English when I say it. I feel like this is what Hermione Granger or modern day Jane Austen would call it.

Cha-Cha. It’s a fun dance. It’s a fun part of your body. This is my term of choice.

Honestly, I had a hard time thinking of three I liked, and consequently the list of the nicknames I hate is much longer but I restrained myself for the sake of writing symmetry and just choose to share the three I hate most.

Axe wound. How dare you. As if my vagina was some sort of wound I should see a surgeon about repairing.

Pink Sausage Wallet. My vagina doesn’t exist solely for a sausage.

Bearded Clam. First of all, gross. Second of all, I would appreciate you not making assumptions about the hair (or lack thereof) down there.

Why are there so many more nicknames for penis than vagina? Could it be because for centuries men have been taught to take pride in their genitalia while women were taught to be ashamed of theirs? Even Lady Gaga herself has coined two new terms for penis, “disco stick” and “vertigo stick”. And yet, she that is all woman has not coined one new term for vagina, of which she has one. Sure, she used “muffin” in Poker Face but that’s hardly a new term, in fact, I could find examples of that term being used dating back a few centuries. How is it that women can come so very very far in working towards equality and yet not have bothered to create a name for that which makes us women? I mean, didn’t it come up when we were starving ourselves to get the vote?

Ladies, I encourage you to take a stand against this situation and introduce new and lovely terms for vagina into the lexicon. I’ll start you off with one of my own: Lalala. As in, “My lalala quite enjoyed that.” Or “What a lovely lalala!” I like it because it sounds like a song Cinderella would sing after having a wonderful dream. I’m also considering referring to my vagina as a “Lady Gaga” but that honor is conditional on her creating a new term for vagina and incorporating it into a song.

 

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45 thoughts on “The Injustice of Genitalia Slang.

  1. Interesting? Dudes (and one Dudette) here just blurted out about a hundred names in about 3 minutes. Top picks-
    quivering mound of love pudding
    pink velvet sausage wallet
    whispering eye- Top pick due to the fact you can openly use it in public and not get slapped up side the head.

    Great post!!!

  2. Like you, I find most of the terms to be unsatisfactory. Perhaps the boys earned more names for their little pogo sticks because they are always bounching around down there, and you have to hold it in your hands several times a day when using it in its non-sportive capacity. If a girl had to hold her pooch six times a day it were easily visible each morning in the shower, requiring an overly exuberant washing, she might just naturally be forced to create rhyming terms to fit the affectionate songs she would sing to it. Here are a few new offerings to enhance our genatalia venacular:

    For Her
    Meet my Yerva (from contrayerva: counter herb, hence, antidote; the fragrant root is used in medicine as a stimulant and tonic)
    My Little Bifur (from bifurcation: dividing into two parts; the place where this occurs)
    For Him:
    Estovers: to be necessary; certain necessaries allowed by law, as wood given to a tenant for fuel or repairs: alimony for a divorced wife, etc. used in a sentence: She’s got my estovers in a vice.
    Arpent: an old French unit of land measurement equal to about an acre: “I’ve got your arpent right here, baby.

    • First of all, calling a penis a “pogo stick” may be my favorite thing ever. Second of all, I love all of your new suggestions for genitalia slang and will try my utmost to work it into my lexicon immediately. Especially “yerva” and “arpent”, those are definitely happening. 🙂

  3. I studied Sociology for a long time – and things like this were one of the most fun to debate in class about back in college. Had to giggle at a lot of these, remembering all those college students shouting out different terms for genitals and having our professor whip around, proclaiming “Oh hell no! You did not just say boink swatter!”

  4. I’ve always called mine my “gina” (not pronounced like the woman’s name but rather, like vagina…minus the ‘va’ part). OR my “na-na”…which I think sounds adorable.

    • That does sound adorable. 🙂 My sister always calls it a “China” because when she was little and my Mom was teaching her about her body she could never quite say “vagina” it always came out like “China”.

    • George Carlin is always rescuing me. 😉 There were quite a few on that list I had never heard of. Thanks so much for sharing!!

  5. Women have secondary features that distract or attract attention when it comes to sexual character. I think it would be fair to take the total of slang terms for both when making comparisons. Somewhat like this. ( penis-isms are less than or equal to vagina-isms plus breasts-isms) Or perhaps not. Breasts are where the fun nick-names are. Mae you will never come up short on this subject.

    • This is true. But if you’re going to count the breasts you also have to count the testicles so I think Men still come out ahead slang-wise. 😉

  6. I once worked on a movie that involved an inter-dimensional portal, and the producer insisted that the VFX team make it look like, and I quote, “a birthing hole”. Needless to say, “birthing hole” was a term that was continually around the studio that day.

  7. Box Five.

    This came from watching Phantom of the Opera far too many times (if there is such a thing) and being in a particularly wonderful mood one night, my best friend and I took it from the part where Mme. Giry warns that the new opera managers, “…continue to leave box five empty, for his use.” She cracked a joke about lady parts, we fell into riotous laughter, and it’s stuck ever since. I especially like this one because it can be used very subtly. I’m all for clever innuendos.

  8. I humbly submit to you: a list of pet names for vaginas

    1.Small Package(because good things come in it)
    2.Truth(because everyone seeks it)
    3.Armageddon(because once it’s out, game over.)
    4.Weapon of Mass Distraction(a good vagina can get you anything. Anything.)
    5.El Dorado(sure, it’s masculine, technically, but come on, vaginas are pretty much golden)
    6.The Benjamins(because I’m all about them.)

  9. I normally say Na-Na, (pronounced nar-nar, like when you say banana,) because it sounds cute almost? I first heard na-na when watching/listening to S Club 7’s song, “S Club Party,” which is funny in itself as their music was targeted to young children! Cheeky S Club. If you wanna watch it, then they say “na-na” at 3:15 into the song. Not that I just watched it again or anything..

  10. My freshman year college roommate once described a penis as a throbbing sausage. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t yet seen a penis in person and it was way more scarring than calling it a one-eyed snake. Also, not sure what issues her man had going on b/c it’s most definitely not a throbbing sausage…

  11. I would agree that there’s something about “peen” that absolutely forces a smile whenever its uttered. I would also agree that “bearded clam” trigger the gag reflex. I mean, really, clams are suspect in the first place, let alone when they are bearded.

  12. Also, this: The worst curse I can think of, based solely on others’ reactions when I say it, is “cunt”. Even typing it, I feel a little guilty and self-conscious. Will you approve such an R-rated comment to your post? I’ll add a little apology right here: I’m sorry if this is offensive, and approve if you decide not to post it.

    But words like “dick”, “prick”, etc are synonymous with, and as innocuous as, the word “jerk”.

    Why is it that a woman’s genitalia is so offensive? Weird.

    (Totally loving your posts, by the way. :))

  13. I remember after Grey’s Anatomy coined it a lot of people started calling it V-jay-jay. I think I even saw it on a poster about sexually transmitted diseases on the train here!

    I know which word I absolutely hate … I can’t even bring myself to type it. C U Next Tuesday. Nope… I will happily beat someone who uses that word out aloud.

  14. Ha! I watched the Inbetweeners movie recently and there has to be at least 25 different words for vagina in this movie! I am not sure any of them are satisfying because I didn’t understand half of them 🙂

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