Hello spinster friends! I’m a tad bit late with a post this week which is due to some Exciting and completely exhausting Happenings in the Land of Hepburn. You might not know this, but this little Kate is an introvert so a wild week of unexpected travel, a flat tire, and not a single night spent vegging on my sofa with a good romance and a pot of Earl Grey… well, let’s just say it’s Saturday morning, I’m still in my jammies, and I intend to stay that way.
I’m not a whiner and complainer,
that’s a lie, don’t listen to me, but in these particularly trying types of weeks I’m reminded of those little things that a manfriend might bring to the situation. Sometimes, I miss them. I give you my short list:
The Arm/Back/You-Name-It Scratch.
Spinster friends, you know what I’m talking about! Nothing is more lovely than a night spent in, forcing your beloved to watch HGTV’s Design Time Saturday Night, and getting a good arm scratch. One of those wooden back scratchers just will not do. And nevermind if most men have nubs for nails. It’s soothing either way. Plus, I’ve perfected the technique so the future Mr. Hepburn need not put out more effort than necessary. It’s called the Hot Dog. Step 1: Place arm directly in front of partner. Step 2: Manfriend starts scratching arm in a horizontal motion. Step 3: Rotate your arm like a hot dog at a hot dog stand and behold! total arm scratch satisfaction.
The Flat Tire Savior.
I know how to change a flat. In fact, it was one of the first things I did in driving school. (Aside: Did you know that in Texas we didn’t have to take behind-the-wheel tests??? We required only 7 hours of actual driving time. Yah, I know. So, if you’re ever in this state, forgive us on the road. We know not what we do. Well, I mean, I do but I can’t say the others have a clue.) So when I get a flat tire, I just want to have someone to call. Someone who would come and hang out with me while I remedy the situation. Or if not that, and if I was fortunate to have an awesome company that sends someone to fill my tire with air, someone who would at least lend me their car so I’m not scrambling to figure out how to get to Very Important Places the next day. That’s a particular spinster challenge, I feel – the lack of a second car option is the pits!
Breakfast in Bed
Alright, alright, nobody has ever made me breakfast in bed. But as I’m sitting here in my jammies it strikes me as something that would be really nice. I’d like a stack of four pancakes. No, make that five, just in case. With a little pat of butter and two bitty twin pots of crème anglaise, and raspberry jelly. A cup of Early Grey with a tiny spoon that has a dob of honey would also be nice. And a big glass of 1% milk. Oh, and sausage links! I love sausage links. And if Mr. Hepburn would be so kind, that romance I left on the couch the other night. He romanced me enough last night, I’ll give him a break this morning.
What am I missing? What other nice things might a manfriend* do?
*Or ladyfriend as I can’t leave out our beloved gentlemen spinster friends!