I have a confession, friends. I haven’t logged on to that online dating site in over a month. I know, it’s crazy (or cray-cray as my sister would say). But here’s the thing. I’m in over my head with this online dating thing. I don’t know how to date multiple men at once. I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Kate, you don’t have to date multiple men at one time. Just pick one and see what develops.” But gosh darn it, people, I paid good money for a three-month membership. There is no way I will date only one person at a time and move on to the next only if the first fizzles. I would make some argument about being responsible with my money but it comes across in an odd way. You know what I mean.
Things were swell at the outset. I went on a several dates with different guys and things mutually fizzled. This was a happy thing! I got back into the swing of dating but didn’t have to deal with the whole liking several men at once thing. That was until mid-December when I went on two dates in one week (wild woman, right here!) and liked both the guys. Enough to think of a second date. Enough to think I might even want to go on three dates with each.
Intellectual Isaac is approximately the same age, hails from my home state, is a lover of reading and writing, and even owns a cat. I swoon! Intriguing Ivan, a reader of the audio variety, likes to keep up with his speech and debate skills, and even agrees with me that a woman shouldn’t have to take her husband’s last name (a topic of which I plan to address next week – stay tuned!). I swoon again!
So here I am, texting two gentlemen, and feeling very uncomfortable with the situation. It’s not because I don’t think you should date multiple people at once. In fact, I think this is perfectly acceptable and is something more people should consider. Half of my generation seems to throw themselves into the worst kind of relationships since it happens to be their only option at a particular time. I’m no stranger to this, even if it was 6 or 7 years ago. My discomfort actually stems from the What If factor.
What if Intellectual Isaac should show up at the same bar as I’m at with Intriguing Ivan even though he lives 40 minutes away and doesn’t go to bars but decides he should check one out this night and then he sees us and then he’s all horrified that I’m on a date with Intriguing Ivan and he’ll call me the next day and tell me he never wants to see me again and he demands that I destroy any evidence of his short stories which he kindly sent to me to read?
(You were supposed to say that in one breath without pausing because, you know, that’s how I do it)
What if Intriguing Ivan decides to romance me with a romantic dinner and romantic candle light and I must sneak away to the restroom to remove an offending piece of spinach from betwixt my teeth and while I’m gone Intellectual Isaac texts me but I don’t realize that my phone has fallen out of my purse and Intriguing Ivan gallantly rescues it from it’s fate beneath my chair but in doing so sees that Intellectual Ivan would like us to have a movie night wherein we watch The Holiday and cuddle with our cats and then Intriguing Ivan demands I leave without even a nibble of the bread pudding he was preparing for me because he know I likes it so?
Or my simplest fear:
What if, after a number of good dates with each of the gentlemen, I can’t decide who it is that I like more than the other?
I haven’t dated enough to know this will all work itself out. That maybe I won’t even have to decide but it will instead be one of them that has a fizzled feeling. So I will live in fear that I will somehow screw this up, all the while feeling very ill-at-ease with myself on this particular topic.
If you have suggestions about how to own the dating (multiple people at one time) scene, I’m all ears. Any bit of reassurance you can offer on this topic would be appreciated because lord knows I want to curl up in the fetal position every time I think of the possibilities.
Btw, fizzled is my new favorite word of the week. Apologies for the over-use but I love it so!