Dating And Blogging- A Spinster’s Dilemma.

Dating and Blogging

I am a blogger. And not only that, but I’m a blogger who blogs without censor about my life. So, if you’re a part of my life, i.e. my boyfriend, you’re probably going to get blogged about. So it goes.

When I was single, I joked about how this was going to play out if I ever got into a relationship. You know, directing the boyfriend to a particular blog post about how I didn’t appreciate his snide remark the night before, or writing posts about the size of his penis, or even using my blog as a vehicle to break-up with him, thereby creating the most awkward and ridiculous break-up ever by inviting all my blog followers to comment on the relationship. However, once I got into a relationship (and a pretty spectacular one at that) all I wanted to do was protect him from my blogging. Me, who was so dedicated to the idea of not holding anything back in my blog, was holding something very big (seriously big y’all, he’s 6’4)  and very important back. And not only was I holding him back from my blogging, I was holding my blogging back from him- I refused to let him read my blogs for quite some time. Why? Because my blogging is a whole lot of crazy y’all. A whole lot of over-sharing, awkwardness, muppets, and tampons. And I’ve always been quite proud of that to be honest, and still am, but I was afraid it might be a bit overwhelming for my new (and uber-dreamy) beau.

But I knew that the “each of you in your corners” approach couldn’t last forever. So I fretted about how to handle this blogging/relationship situation. My dilemma was trying to figure out how to make two major parts of my life come together in harmony. Seriously, I stressed and angsted over this for weeks. And of course, like so many things I angst over, the solution came about so simply and naturally that it became incredibly apparent to me that I had angsted for naught. I mentioned, casually, to my boyfriend that if he wanted to he could totally read my blog. He didn’t have to, if he didn’t that would be fine, but you know, if he ever got curious, it would probably be ok. And he did. And he laughed. And he started offering me some killer suggestions for future blog posts. It was as simple and lovely as that.

Also, it helped that I set up some ground rules for myself.

1. No passive agressive blogging. I will not use my blog as a vehicle to complain or chide him.

2. No embarrassing. The only person who deserves to be humiliated by my blog is me.

3. Under no circumstances am I to use my blog to avoid having difficult conversations with him. I have to woman-up and face it if ever the need for a difficult conversation arises. No “blogging out” so to speak.

There you have it folks. That’s how one uncensored and often profane spinster blogger figured out how to be in a relationship and blog at the same time. It probably shouldn’t have taken me so many hours of angst to arrive there but I got there in the end and that’s (probably) what matters.

34 thoughts on “Dating And Blogging- A Spinster’s Dilemma.

  1. See, if he is really the über-boyfriend you totally deserve, then he comes with a built-in sense of humour which absolutely gets your sense of humour, i.e. your blogging. I’m glad it worked out this way and that all your angsting (lovely word creation, by the way) was completely in vain. Looks like it’s meant to be. Happy New Year!
    PS: Are you going to have to resign from the Confederacy of Spinsters, now that you are not a spinster anymore?

    • I’m a very lucky albeit very neurotic girl. 😉

      No way! I’m still a proud spinster and no boyfriend is going to change that. 🙂

  2. haha sounds like you might enjoy the blog i used to keep when i was online dating. needless to say my current boyfriend has no desire to read it, and that’s probably a good thing:

    hope you had a nice holiday.

  3. Came here by way of Girl on the Contrary. One question: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO AWESOME? I just read all of the posts and now I will be following.

    Anywho, I’ve been dating my guy for a year. I mentioned that I used to have a blog (which is true) and I can only describe his reaction as a mix between a shoulder shrug and one blink. Yup, he didn’t care. I don’t know if I should go out of my way to tell him about my current blogging endeavor. I’m sure this time, I’ll get the full out yawn. LOL.

    • My suspicion about our awesomeness is that it’s one of those rare serendipitous occurrences in the universe.

      You might be surprised, maybe your fella will smirk instead of yawn. Or, maybe he’ll love it. 😉

  4. I can respect that for sure. I can’t stand it when people put things about others in a blog. I would put things more so about myself, but I try to remain vague about others. OH and it was so hard not to put things post breakup on a blog…I resisted the trash talk…yeah me

    • Oh man- I can imagine post-break-up it would be crazy hard not to majorly snark out. I totally agree about focusing more on yourself than others on your blog- it just seems unfair otherwise.

  5. In one of the older blogs I wrote, I totally encountered this same scenario—only it got a little bit more nuts when the girl I was dating (now my wife) decided not only to read EVERY blog I had ever written, but to cross reference it with a full on criminal background search. Talk about some awkward conversations there for a minute. I guess there’s just no way to start a reasonable conversation with, “Um, the felony, I mean, yeah, there’s a totally good reason for that…” Good stuff Mae! You’ve found yourself a new reader. 🙂

    • Hmmm. That’s a much tougher one. I think maybe if you set those posts to private so they could only be read by the family she might feel a bit better about it in the future. Or, she might think it’s totally cool that she was practically famous from day 1! You never know with kiddos. 😉

  6. Dealing with “real life” and “blogging life” is always so damn murky. There have been more than a couple of times I’ve typed something up and realised that it might have been a bit of an overshare and deleted the whole thing.

    This comes after I did a big overshare a few years back and lost a handful of close friends. Live and learn!

  7. I love the “rules” – I get so annoyed when people use their blogs in a passive-agressive way. It makes me tune out anything else they have to say and just feel bad for their boyfriend / girlfriend. Glad you were able to merge the beau and blog together in perfect harmony 🙂

  8. I was just mulling over the fact that my significant other doesn’t know anything about my blogging. It has caused me to think that he doesn’t know me at all. The people who read my blog know my inadequacies, the depths of my heart and my neurotic idiosyncrasies. I don’t use my blog in a passive aggressive manner but more as a diary. I wonder sometimes if I should reveal this side of myself and then I realize that there is no way I could ever take that mask off. I’m afraid he would be far too critical and attempt to probe deeper than I care to dive.

    • It’s definitely a scary prospect to lay yourself bare like that, I will freely admit it was a whole bunch of fear that made me keep him from reading my blog at first, but now, I’m so happy he knows and loves that part of me. Although, I very rarely blog about serious things so I guess there is some protection in that.

  9. I love this blog. So much. And I’m one of those sad people who doesn’t even have a boyfriend (or girlfriend, I don’t hold judgments) but even so I don’t even have the right to comment here then … I still want to. Just to say again that I love this blog. I’m not sure wether to break the line and start telling everyone the nitty gritty details of my life (awkward so be it) or just to keep it incredibly ‘vague’ like my parents always lectured me as a little kid. You just made me more indecisive! But thank you, it was a great post.

  10. My rule about blogging and boys is so head-in-the-sand…I won’t blog about the boy unless he says its ok, but I don’t ask him to read it nor do I ask if I can blog about him at all…so good for you for letting him read it and setting the ground rules for yourself!

  11. My experience says what you have confirmed that, all good relationships reveal themselves via recongnizing that you are ( and its your phrase not mine, but I wish it was mine ), “angsting for naught”. I absolutely love that phrase. Bravo.

  12. I never really approached this topic with my wife, actually. While I tend to be pretty open in my blogs and conversations with friends, I’m actually pretty big on privacy. You have a right to yours, and I have a right to mine, etc. My wife has a tumblr account where I know she interacts with a whole bunch of people, but I don’t ever go there because I feel that it’s her private space. As for my own blog, I try not to write about her because I know she’s a lot more private than I am. But yeah, I guess the time will come when both will collide. Hopefully I can weasel my way out of that ever happening.

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