How To Survive A Solo New Year’s Eve

In less than a week, the ball will drop on 2012. Champagne will be guzzled sipped, confetti will fly, and millions of people across the world will kiss at midnight.

Oh, wait. Doesn’t kissing involve two people? Well, there goes that plan! Since seducing vikings with baked goods hasn’t worked and marathoners around the world are currently burning me in effigy, it appears I will fly solo this New Year’s Eve. This is nothing new. Thanks to a combination of poorly timed break-ups and far flung winter travels, I’ve rarely had a coupled-up, lovestruck stroke of midnight. After twenty-odd years, I’m a pro at holiday singlehood.

It’s harder than it looks. On most holidays, one’s single status is of little bother. Unfortunately, New Year’s Eve is one of the few days that has specific romantic connotations. To be considered a fully functioning adult by Hollywood’s standards, one must have a hot date to a glamorous party and be kissed at the precise year-switching-second by said hot date. Finding oneself down a lip-lock partner has the potential for heaps of awkwardness. No one wants to be that girl standing amidst her couple friends, smiling into space, while waiting for all the canoodling to – please God! – just end already. There is no moment so long or so torturous as this. Luckily, there are strategies to avoid this woeful scene. We will conquer this night together!

How To Survive A Solo New Year’s Eve (Without losing your mind, buzz, or self-respect):

  • Have A Wingman– This strategy was instilled in me at a young age. Every time my siblings or I attended some function, my dad insisted we have a “wingman.” Looking back, I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want us being kidnapped, because he’s paranoid like that, but it’s still good advice. Everything is more fun, when you have someone to laugh about it with. Bring your best single friend along with you. Y’all can point out the people on awkward second dates (a favorite pastime of your very own Spinsters), judge the kissing techniques of your friends and loved ones, and ring in 2012 with two of your favorite people – yourselves! Nothing says Happy New Year! like realizing your friends Jane & Arthur look like two electrified carp when they become romantic.
  • Dance About All Crazy-Like– Hooray! That last dreadful year is over! 2012 is full of possibilities. You could land a book deal, meet Ryan Gosling, and finally see the pink dolphins in the Amazon. It’s going to rock! Why not celebrate with a bit of a drunken happy dance? Who cares if everyone else is being all lovey-dovey? You have things to look forward to! When they’re done, your friends will happily join in. Meanwhile…dance it up, darling!
  • Wear An Excellent Dress– I believe in the power of a good outfit. A sparkly party dress and fun shoes (depending on party, sub with: funny science t-shirt and cute flats) will not only make you feel lovely, but will garner compliments all through the night. When midnight rolls around, you’ll be so high on how awesome you are that The Dreadful Moment Of Unison Tongue Twirling will pass in the blink of an eye. More likely, you’ll be too busy chatting up your new dress-gushing friends to even notice! Just remember: no matter how cute they are, make sure those shoes are comfortable. Yes, those scarlet heels make your legs look 7 feet long. However, no one wants to hobble back to the car shoeless, wishing for band-aids and Advil. That’s how we get tetanus, lieblings.
  • Find A Handsome Stranger– One should never discount the inhibition-freeing combination of champagne and holiday traditions. You know that single guy two tables over? The one with the – swoon! – Cary Grant hair? Position your group near his. When the strike of midnight comes and all the couples become islands of volcanic PDA, meet his eyes, smile, and…go for it! Seriously. Whether it’s a kiss on the cheek or a quick peck, anything you do with a shrug and an “Isn’t this so silly?” attitude will fly. It’s New Year’s! You’re just being traditional.
  • Skip It– It really is that easy. One of my favorite New Year’s Eves was spent on my couch with an old friend from high school, a bottle of champagne, and heaps of laughter. We gossiped up a storm, traded past New Year’s Eve horror stories, and watched the ball drop from the warmth of my living room. Who needs Hollywood’s version of life anyway? It’s not so great. While other people freeze to death trying to find cabs or have tiffs about where to end the night, you’ll be pleasantly tipsy in your pajamas. That, my friends, is the happiest holiday of all.

What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? Are you taking your significant other to see Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chip Wrecked (Oh, the horror! Why do they keep making these computer-animated bastardizations of my childhood?) or are you flying solo to a fancy gala? Wherever you end up: Happy New Year! Just remember: wear comfortable shoes. You never know when you’ll have to flee the paparazzi.

– Grace

24 thoughts on “How To Survive A Solo New Year’s Eve

  1. Great tips :). I myself am bringing a girlfriend to be my wingwoman. I like to look at it this way, you have to be a very secure woman to not give a rat’s ass about going solo. Have a great time with friends. That’s all that matters.

    Happy New Year’s ladies 🙂

  2. I laughed out loud when I read “marathoners around the world are currently burning me in effigy.” We’re not doing that, but that post has been quite the topic of conversation; I can’t believe how many of my blogging friends referenced it in comments or on their blogs (almost all positive).
    There is no place I would rather be than home on New Year’s Eve.

    • Thanks for the reassurance, Worrywart! I have to say, I love how many awesome runners commented and thought it funny. It’s astounding how much that post has spread! Two weeks ago, we’d just started this blog and had only a handful of lovely readers and now it’s being posted on forums and blogs…the mind reels!

      I hope you and yours have a Happy New Year!! Staying home sounds like the coziest option, by far.

  3. “To be considered a fully functioning adult by Hollywood’s standards, one must have a hot date to a glamorous party and be kissed at the precise year-switching-second by said hot date.”

    Thank god we live in the real world and not the Hollywood one! I just want to live my life instead of trying to shoehorn myself into some unrealistic standard of living.

    • That sounds like an absolutely deightful plan, aclundin! You’re exactly right – despite all the pomp & circumstance, it’s just a night. Why not stay in & indulge a bit? Hope you have a lovely time!

  4. First I LOVED your post about marathoners. I literally was laughing out loud and had my cats looking at me like I was crazy.

    Second I am loving this post too! I am single this year for New Year’s Eve and recently had a conversation about the “perfect night out” and how we dream it up in our heads only to be disappointed! I will be going out, with my wingman (girl), sing till my heart’s content and wear my fancy new shirt (no dress for me) and it will be a GREAT night!

    Thanks for entertaining me once again!

    • Lindy, I am so, so glad you enjoyed both posts! Thanks a million! 😀 Isn’t it funny how we hype up certain nights so much? All that pressure & planning, then it almost never lives up. Almost every year, I fall into that trap. I like your plan much better – it sounds like you and your wingman will have an awesome time, no matter what. Happy New Year!!

  5. Like you, I have been single most around new years and Valentine’s Day. I am not the type who gets sweeped up by the Hollywood Hype. It’s a New Year and that’s all. It’s good to know like-minded people out there.

  6. Pingback: And a happy new year « muddle mash

  7. I entirely agree that you can have fun on New Year’s Eve without being in a relationship. Some of my happiest New Year memories are watching “The Hudsucker Proxy” and drinking sparkling apple juice with my dad and my sister. (p.s. This is a pretty awesome blog. I just discovered it today.)

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