Oh, wait. Doesn’t kissing involve two people? Well, there goes that plan! Since seducing vikings with baked goods hasn’t worked and marathoners around the world are currently burning me in effigy, it appears I will fly solo this New Year’s Eve. This is nothing new. Thanks to a combination of poorly timed break-ups and far flung winter travels, I’ve rarely had a coupled-up, lovestruck stroke of midnight. After twenty-odd years, I’m a pro at holiday singlehood.
It’s harder than it looks. On most holidays, one’s single status is of little bother. Unfortunately, New Year’s Eve is one of the few days that has specific romantic connotations. To be considered a fully functioning adult by Hollywood’s standards, one must have a hot date to a glamorous party and be kissed at the precise year-switching-second by said hot date. Finding oneself down a lip-lock partner has the potential for heaps of awkwardness. No one wants to be that girl standing amidst her couple friends, smiling into space, while waiting for all the canoodling to – please God! – just end already. There is no moment so long or so torturous as this. Luckily, there are strategies to avoid this woeful scene. We will conquer this night together!
How To Survive A Solo New Year’s Eve (Without losing your mind, buzz, or self-respect):
- Have A Wingman– This strategy was instilled in me at a young age. Every time my siblings or I attended some function, my dad insisted we have a “wingman.” Looking back, I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want us being kidnapped, because he’s paranoid like that, but it’s still good advice. Everything is more fun, when you have someone to laugh about it with. Bring your best single friend along with you. Y’all can point out the people on awkward second dates (a favorite pastime of your very own Spinsters), judge the kissing techniques of your friends and loved ones, and ring in 2012 with two of your favorite people – yourselves! Nothing says Happy New Year! like realizing your friends Jane & Arthur look like two electrified carp when they become romantic.
- Dance About All Crazy-Like– Hooray! That last dreadful year is over! 2012 is full of possibilities. You could land a book deal, meet Ryan Gosling, and finally see the pink dolphins in the Amazon. It’s going to rock! Why not celebrate with a bit of a drunken happy dance? Who cares if everyone else is being all lovey-dovey? You have things to look forward to! When they’re done, your friends will happily join in. Meanwhile…dance it up, darling!
- Wear An Excellent Dress– I believe in the power of a good outfit. A sparkly party dress and fun shoes (depending on party, sub with: funny science t-shirt and cute flats) will not only make you feel lovely, but will garner compliments all through the night. When midnight rolls around, you’ll be so high on how awesome you are that The Dreadful Moment Of Unison Tongue Twirling will pass in the blink of an eye. More likely, you’ll be too busy chatting up your new dress-gushing friends to even notice! Just remember: no matter how cute they are, make sure those shoes are comfortable. Yes, those scarlet heels make your legs look 7 feet long. However, no one wants to hobble back to the car shoeless, wishing for band-aids and Advil. That’s how we get tetanus, lieblings.
- Find A Handsome Stranger– One should never discount the inhibition-freeing combination of champagne and holiday traditions. You know that single guy two tables over? The one with the – swoon! – Cary Grant hair? Position your group near his. When the strike of midnight comes and all the couples become islands of volcanic PDA, meet his eyes, smile, and…go for it! Seriously. Whether it’s a kiss on the cheek or a quick peck, anything you do with a shrug and an “Isn’t this so silly?” attitude will fly. It’s New Year’s! You’re just being traditional.
- Skip It– It really is that easy. One of my favorite New Year’s Eves was spent on my couch with an old friend from high school, a bottle of champagne, and heaps of laughter. We gossiped up a storm, traded past New Year’s Eve horror stories, and watched the ball drop from the warmth of my living room. Who needs Hollywood’s version of life anyway? It’s not so great. While other people freeze to death trying to find cabs or have tiffs about where to end the night, you’ll be pleasantly tipsy in your pajamas. That, my friends, is the happiest holiday of all.
What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? Are you taking your significant other to see Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chip Wrecked (Oh, the horror! Why do they keep making these computer-animated bastardizations of my childhood?) or are you flying solo to a fancy gala? Wherever you end up: Happy New Year! Just remember: wear comfortable shoes. You never know when you’ll have to flee the paparazzi.